I talk about God to friends a lot. I study about martyrs and modern day political prisoners. I have many Christian friends from all denominations. I have seen our faith and many churches from the perspective of friends that hate Christianity. When I look through their eyes, I cringe and wince. Being in the problem, I'm a part of it.
I started in a denomination FAMOUS for C. A. R. I. N. G about minutia. You know, this one:
"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in
God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He
said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said,
"Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I
said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said,
"Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or
Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative
Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes
Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said,
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern
Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said,
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I
said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over."
Oh those are not tears of laughter. nope. I am not laughing because that was me. I had added to salvation things that should never have been there. Then I heard an amazing sermon from a **BAPTIST** pastor. He said, "Think about what you would go to martyrdom for. If a man with a gun said, 'Tell me the rapture happens at the end of the tribulation or die!' What would you give your life for? Is this a part of life or death? Is it this issue that will cost you? I hope you answered that this is not the issue you will live or die on. What if the man demanded, 'Deny that Jesus is coming back!' [already my mind was answering "Shoot me"] Then you should care. Then you can stand on what is a truth worth dying for. People are dying for this question right now today. We in America need to sort out quick what is worth dying for and then stand on it."
I was changed from that point on. It was slow and tedious change, grueling with mistakes and gear grinding, but I have narrowed it down considerably. I can see how unsaved people see us. I still struggle. I have opinions on the other stuff. The other stuff is important to have an opinion on. But I can rest assured that if I cling to my must haves, God will sort the other stuff out in my life and in the lives of all the others following him. He is a God about truth and unity. When He does come back, it will all be set right, and I promise, Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912 will just not matter anymore.
This post right here defines it all.
I was asked just over one year ago to be a contributing writer for this blog. I actually had to send another message back asking what on earth that was.What does it even mean to be a contributing writer?
I was in the middle of my first year of home schooling, I just had our eighth baby, and felt completely behind the ball in many areas in my life.
Here I am again, behind the ball. Trust me when I say, I have dropped that ball more times than I can count.
When I thought about writing for this blog, I knew that my writing style was as eclectic as everything else in my life. My grammar may actually improve as I teach my children English in school, and though I did not write as much as I would like on my own personal blog, I did find it to be a great way to organize my thoughts and heart into words.
I had no idea what was about to happen in that next year.
It was a year that began with hearts being broken, lives shattered and changed forever.
All around us families came crashing down.
As a pastor's wife, I have found that sometimes you can't just ask anyone for prayer, because well....it gets awkward. but, sometimes we also need to be covered in prayer as we minister to those who are suffering.
These ladies of The Shepherd's Fish have surrounded me as a support system like no other. I don't have to say much, other than "please pray". It has been such a joy to have their prayers answered.
It is my hope to create more of these atmospheres of grace among women in the church as a whole.
The truth is....girls can be mean, and then they grow up...and can still be mean.
I can't help but think about all of the wonderful ladies I know, and how their lives might be changed if they had an amazing group of women supporting them in times like this.
Like I said, I have dropped the ball. Completely forgetting to post, or forgetting what my post was supposed to even be about. Yet here I am, covered in grace. Love poured out by all of these ladies. Only one of whom knew my name one year ago. Thank you for including me.
You are such a blessing.
Tomorrow my husband plans to drive 500 miles so that he can interview for a job. Paul graduated from Penn State in May, and after submitting 88 applications, started a temporary job 5 months ago. He needs a new job that will start this August. Of the 20 applications I've submitted for him thus far, only 2 were for temporary jobs. Yesterday he had a phone interview with one of those temporary jobs, and Friday he's scheduled to have an in-person interview for the other. Although I am grateful for these invitations to interview, I am still praying he'll receive a permanent job offer this time around.
From birth to age nine, I lived in Pennsylvania, Alabama, Texas, and Maryland, and then I lived in the same house for the next nine years. Over the past 24 years I've moved every 2-4 years. I have a very strong desire to put down roots. I would love to live in the same house for decades. I want to plant things like blueberry bushes and strawberry plants, but I have not done so because I knew when we moved here that we would probably be moving once my husband completed his degree. As I have struggled emotionally with the thought of moving 500 miles for a job that will only last three years, the Lord has been reminding me that this world is not my home; we're just passing through! In I Peter 1:17, Peter referred to our life here on earth as our "temporary residence." Although I dislike the idea that I might have to wait three more years before I can put down some roots, it could be a good thing if it reminds me that my focus should be on my eternal home.
As you have already seen in previous blogs to mine. This blog has recently had a one year anniversary. Until I was asked what I had learned over this year, I didn't realize how much of an impact "The Shepherd's fish" has had upon me personally.
I have known only two of these lovely ladies previously to this blog. Christine and Karen Ansorge are my cousins. They have always been so precious to me. I often wished we lived closer in distance, while growing up. We are now further away then ever in distance, but thanks to technology and this blog. We are closer then we have been in years.
These other five wonderful ladies, are new friends. We together, embody the life of Christ in our own unique ways. Each of us have a different walk with Christ. A different set of circumstances to deal with in life and different perspectives. We all fit together like a tapestry and we can't see the end result. Our lives have intersected through this blog gloriously.
We have had email, text and phone conversations about varied subjects. What stands out to me the most, is that we can count on each other. I think every one of us has had a, help me plea! Flowing these are; prayers, letters, emails, texts, things have been done for the one in need, as God directs and works through us. We are sisters bonded through Christ's blood that was shed for us, flowing over all of us. His love shines forth like the sun, brightly and beautifully through our lives. May we continue to learn and grow in Him as we blog and interact with one another.
I am so very honored to be a part of this group of God's daughters. Thank you for including me, as you have always, Christine. Thank you to The Shepherd's fish ladies for your love, prayers and support. Thank you Patrick Cook for your help along the way. Thank you readers of this blog. May the blessings of God overwhelm you. Most of all, thank you God Almighty for all you do, in and through all of us. May He be glorified through us all.
A little over a year ago, I was contacted by a former classmate (Christine) and asked if I would consider writing for this blog. I wasn't quite sure what to do. My world had just exploded and I was still reeling from the chaos of it all. In a three month time span I had lost 4 children in a series of unimaginable events. A planned move, a runaway, a failed adoption, and a group home placement. Five of us were left behind to try to regain a sense of normalcy.
I wrote to Christine in an email that I felt so helpless and uncertain in the midst of my own circumstances that I wasn't sure what I could possibly have to say that would be an encouragement to anyone. However, I chose to write, hoping that it would force me to look beyond the crisis and really see that God is still good and that He loves us regardless of the struggles we face.
Throughout this journey, I have had numerous people respond to posts and share glimpses of their own heartaches and trials. I have been so encouraged by the other women who have also been writing and sharing their stories. Besides Christine, I personally know her sister, Karen from school. Their dad was my 2nd-4th grade teacher, and their mom was my 9th grade English teacher. We have not seen each other for at least 10 years. My sister, Terri, is also a contributor and has been a constant in my lifetime. The other 4 contributors are ladies who I have never met, but I now count them as friends. We have had lots of "behind the blog" conversations where we have been able to hear each others hearts and become a source of prayer and comfort for each other.
It was a huge step for me to write in the midst of real life. In attempting to be an encouragement to other, I have been encouraged myself.....beyond words!
Gotcha! You'll be singing that all day! It is indeed our anniversary of blogging. I, historically speaking, have not really been that keen on the idea of blogging. I just really didn't read blogs, keep up with family blogs, and absolutely did not keep a blog. Writing is not my medium. I'm prone to hyperbole and metaphor and my grammar is atrocious. Thank you for putting up with that. I'm working hard on it. When asked to submit an article of my work, I showed a picture of a crocheted blanket I was working on. So, here I am still pecking bewilderingly at my keyboard.
I was asked to think of what has been gained by this experience. Well, I've been overheard saying, "Ooooooooo, good I can blog about that! Thanks!" Which means I've become more observant of those little moments that go by that are thoroughly fraught with meaning. I was afraid I would not have much inspiration and God has made me stop and look around. Most importantly I found family.
Two blood relatives started with me on this journey. Christine Ansorge is both my sister and my sister in law. We married brothers and bear the same last name. I am most profoundly grateful for the improved communication we have had over the letters on the screen. Thank you for inspiring me to write. Sonya Smerdell is my mother's cousin's daughter. Karen Crogan is her mother and I am named for her. I have always been in awe of my beautiful and colorful cousin. When I was young she embodied all things cool and hip. She is completely stunning and always has been. But we lost each other in living life and I'm so happy to have her back! Her insights bring new thoughts.
The rest of the ladies in this group were memories of my past. I was a very small child when I knew the Kincaid sisters (Terrie Thomas and Jeanne Miller) They were High Schoolers. Very very impressive people. My mother taught them as students and that is why I knew them at all. They were both patient, kind and loving then, and they have only grown more so now. I cherish getting to know them again. It is wonderful to pick up with women that aren't really that much older than me and get to know them as peers.
Ruth Kennedy and Heather Bowman were from the next school the next stage of my development. Ruth was known solely as Wendy's oldest sister. Wendy is my very closest friend. The go back to sixth grade, tell each other everything, do each other's hair kind of friend. I'm sure Ruth saw me as a wild child and bit of a nuisance. I am so glad to get to know her and pray for the struggles in her life. I feel like I now have two friends from that family and feel really blessed for it. Heather was simply, always, amazing. Chic, pretty, smart, funny, and kind enough to talk to the wild child in her study hall. She has not changed a whit. Her poems move me to tears some days.
Nicole Hill was the only unknown to me and I have grown to love her. She is practical, funny, honest, and filled with wonderful insights. I really want to sit down with her and have a coffee. She seems like the super fun type that would totally dig that and then a pedicure.
So quite simply, what I've been trying to awkwardly as usual say is, that in doing something I'm not that comfortable with or good at, I've been extended. But MOST importantly, I've gained a new family. People that had drifted into the realm of memory have come roaring back to life and they mean the world to me. I look forward to seeing what they post because it will teach me and most certainly apply to my life today.
Last night I was talking with a group of teen girls about the importance of surrounding ourselves with accountable friends. We should all strive to spend time with others who will sharpen us. Who will help us to live as Christ, and help us see our displaced selves in a loving way.
I have a friend who has a wonderful southern accent. It is just about as catchy as the latest songify out there. The more time I spend with her, the more I notice that southern drawl coming into my voice. The twang, the slang and the all ya'll's comes out strong. Now, her mom has an even stronger southern flair to her vocabulary. When I spend a signifigant time talking with her, well I may even start calling a shopping cart a buggy. Now, if you know me, you know that I have always been raised in the Magnificent Midwest, but there is something in me that just so breaths sweet tea, front porch rocking, flip flops and good ol' southern hospitality.
Now, back to that accent thing. Do you see how it relates to spending time with others? If I were to surround myself with folks who had that deep-lovin', crawfish catchin', whole heart, don't hold back lifestlye....well it is something I will easily pick up on and without even a notice, I would just weave it all into my daily life. We need to be that for each other in the body of believers. We need to spread encouragement like a bad case of the flu. Build each other up in love so strong that satan himself starts shakin' in his boots. That is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ.
I was very honored in the summer of 2012 when Christine asked me to be a part of this blog. I have enjoyed writing for my personal blog, Journey to our Children, since December 2006, and I was intrigued at the thought of writing for a spiritual blog. Writing for The Shepherd's fish causes me to constantly be on the lookout for God moments. One potential disadvantage of writing for a blog is that it can feel like a one-way conversation, but Christine has been faithful to write a little note after each post, which makes it feel more like a two-way dialogue. Over the years I have greatly appreciated blog comments or emails I have received in response to posts I have written. The other seven women who are a part of this blog have certainly made me feel wanted over the past year. They are quick to show their appreciation for little things that each of us have done to keep The Shepherd's fish going and to uphold each other in prayer. I love the fact that we come from different walks of life and different denominations. Sadly, it's not very often that you find Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, etc. working together toward a common goal. The authors of this blog have been living out the lyrics of Steve Green's song from 1991. He sang, "Let the walls that divide us and hide us come down. If in Christ we agree, let us seek unity. Let the walls come down."
Happy Anniversary to The Shepherd's fish! Today marks one year since we eight women started on this journey and began to share with the world our own personal stories, in the hopes of being able to connect with others and encourage them in their life's journey and spiritual walk.
A little more than a year ago, I received an email from Christine inviting me to join her and some other women from various seasons of her life in this adventure. Her mother had been my high school English teacher, and instilled a love for reading and an enjoyment of writing in me, and her precious grandmother had been one of my favorite childhood Sunday School teachers, whose love for the Lord and the children truly impacted my life. I felt very intimidated at the thought of writing anything that others would read, and hesitated so long that Christine had to write me again. My husband read her email, and encouraged me to take her up on the invitation, so I hesitantly agreed. So began the adventure! I began to write and to get acquainted with the other women in our group. For myself, this has been a year of learning and growth and stretching out of my comfort zones, but it has also been a year of increasing grace and building new relationships, which have affected the way I view others, and hopefully the way in which I touch their lives.
Last week, I ended my post about my word for last year by alluding to the word that I have been sensing for this year, which is ENCOURAGE. My own anniversary is coming up in just eight days, and ever since I became Philip's wife, I have had a growing passion to encourage other women, both married and single, that it is possible to cultivate a loving, grace-filled marriage. I have learned from my own past failures and brokenness, and I have shared some of that here at The Shepherd's fish. It is my prayer that in every way possible, my life and my words would bring only grace and encouragement to the hearts of those who are wounded and broken, and that the love of God would pour out of me to embrace them and point them to Him.
There is ice on the inside of my windows. Our home was begun in 1857 and finished in 1859. No the windows are not that old, but it feels like they are. We love the structure and that it has a firm foundation. We have decided that the half turn staircases must stay, but the windows are not efficient, so they will be replaced. When you remodel a home yourself, partly because your paying for it as you go, and partly because you have always had the ability to complete repairs/remodel for yourself, it's a slower process. My husband has the knowledge of how to do about anything to a home. He also, has two torn shoulders and is about to have his third shoulder surgery. As I paint and fix things myself, it bothers him, because he isn't the one doing it. At first I thought, get over it. Then I began to realize, he's a man, and he wants to do everything his brain knows how to do, but his body will no longer allow him to. Thereafter, I relaxed and did things that he could deal with. So, remodeling is happening, but not at a record pace.
Our home remodeling, reminds me of my life. I had been freaking out about turning 40 recently. Then it hit me, with my grandmothers longevity and God changing my diet, I'll probably live till I'm in my 90's or older. My life isn't even half over yet. Then I thought, What will I know when I am 90. I became excited! Like this house, my structure is good, I have a firm foundation in Christ, but some of my ways of thinking are not yet wise, so they need to be replaced with the knowledge of God. You see, my goal is to be wise by the end of my life. Unless God zaps me with it, as He did Solomon, it's probably going to take a while to attains such a lofty goal. So, like my slowly progressing home. I am now relaxing about it. Allowing God to replace inefficient, unwise ways, with understanding and wisdom that only He gives. I would like to leave this world a better place for having been here, but I now understand, that doesn't happen over night.
Yes, If you cry out for discernment and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasure; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2: 3-5
Happy is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gains understanding; for her proceeds are better then the profits of silver, and her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her. Length of days are in her right hand, and in her left are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who retain her. Proverbs 3:13-18
Our family has a LOT of birthdays in January. We celebrate on the 11th, 17th, 19th, 21st, and 26th. So many birthdays that it is only the 18th of the month and I am sick of cake....
On the 11th, it was my turn. My husband made arrangements for my Mom to watch the kids so we could actually go out by ourselves. I was looking forward to having some time to do something that didn't revolve around kids, work, appointments, and all of those busy things that eat away our time.
However, there was a much more devious plan in the works. When we stopped to drop the girls off to my Mom, I walked into a room full of some of my favorite people. Surprise!!! I didn't have a clue. I was almost as surprised that my 9 year old had kept the secret as I was at the party itself.
It was a wonderful, thoughtful expression that my family and friends had put together. Good food, yummy cake, presents..... But my favorite part was reading the handwritten notes that each person placed into a small basket. The notes from the adults were encouraging, uplifting, and gracious. There were also notes from some of the teenagers that were so thoughtful and sweet.
One note in particular was written by my 15 year old nephew. He and his older brother have been crashing at our house for a while due to some difficulties. I never gave much thought as to what kind of an impact we were having on them....We simply incorporated them into the day to day routine of our crazy life without question or reservation. I blinked back tears as I read his words scratched onto the paper. "You're a very kind person. You always make sure we are not hungry."
It dawned on me that most of us never have the opportunity to know how simple acts of kindness may have affected another person. I was blessed to have caught a glimpse of that as I spent the evening being showered with kindness by people I love.
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My soul, oh my soul
It has been anxious and weary
Many days filled to the brim
Appointments and phone calls
And fires to smother out
My soul has been searching
For more of my savior
So, today...
With fresh snow falling
Children brighten with creative wonder
My Soul is at peace and resting in Him
The song repeats in my mind on this day
As I rock the baby for her nap
As I make beef stew for dinner
My soul my soul
Magnifies you Lord
Lord, help me have more of you
Each day
To magnify you more
From the depths of my soul
Busted. Yes it is really true that I absolutely enjoyed the time with my children in snowmageddon 2014. But oh, my life has settled back to its regularly scheduled programming. I can not help but be profoundly happy. There is something so completely soothing about knowing what comes next. There are few surprises and the rhythms of my mind function more smoothly. There is strength and weakness there.
This breaking of the pattern that happened in my life recently in the storm was a fun reminder that the God we serve is full of surprises, big, unpredictable, and as C.S. Lewis so aptly said, "Not a tame lion completely wild." Far too often in life, the reminders of this come at times of illness, struggles, and trials. But a foot of snow, is all just a bunch of fun.
I must learn to praise God when His surprises are a bunch of fun and the provision of needs is there. I must learn to praise God when the precious routine of life that bolsters me up is there and I grow slightly stuck in it. I must learn to praise God when His lessons in life are painful and learned through difficulty. For in all things I have learned that God is good and His love endures truly through all of the experiences we have in life. His love endures forever.
Are you having fun this week, settled back into life, or struggling with a massive hurt? Look to God. Find comfort in His continued love and know there is peace waiting for us!
A year ago I started reading chapter books to my preschoolers during lunch. Their favorite characters thus far have included Ramona, Dr. Doolittle, Pippi Longstocking, and Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. Each chapter of a Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle book focuses on a different child who needs to be cured of a bad habit of some sort such as forgetting to care for a pet, not putting away toys, not wanting to go to bed at night, lying, or not brushing their teeth. Most of the children are cured in less than a week. One of my nephews was an avid thumb sucker. My sister had one conversation with her son, and he never sucked his thumb again. Amazing. Very few bad habits are eradicated that easily or quickly. I am by nature a rather perseverant person and not prone to giving up, but I have been pushed to the edge with teaching my middle child to eat. However, eating is not an optional skill. I am clinging to Galatians 6:9, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." As I work with my children, I also have opportunities to stretch and grow. Ten years from now he'll probably be eating me out of house and home, but for now I long for the day when he can feed himself dinner in less than two hours. "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31).
On Christmas morning, I came into the living-room of our friends, that we were staying with over Christmas vacation. Sarah was sitting there with her friend Jarrett. She saw me and excitedly said, MOM! I got a Christmas gift from God last night! I was like, ha? She said, "I got to see my twin brother in heaven last night". I was not entirely awake, but that woke me up instantly. Sarah was a twin, but her twin didn't make it. This, as I have been told by the medical community, is not an unusual thing. Many women begin their pregnancy having twins, but for one reason or another, one doesn't make it and is absorbed into the remaining child.
Sarah had been very sad a few months ago about missing her twin, and desired to do something to ease this pain. She said to Paul, my brother doesn't have a name. Let's give him a name. So, Paul and Sarah named him Samuel. I was like, o.k., it fits.
As Sarah was beaming with this great gift, that money could not buy and only God could give, she said; "I saw my other two sisters too". I had two tubal pregnancies between my son Luke, whom I gave to be adopted, and Sarah. She got to talk to them and described them. It was like reading the book "Heaven Is For Real". The bible speaks of visiting heaven in the apostle Paul's writings. I personally know two other people who have been gifted with visiting heaven. I am not going to dismiss this, or say they are all nuts. I want to be signed up for that program myself, thank you! However, there are those that would think Sarah crazy. Therefore, we told Sarah not to go around telling everyone about it, because it may freak out others.
This in mind. Sarah was asked by her aunt Lynn, what her favorite gift was. As she began to tell of her gift from God, I did a mental, palm of my hand to my head slap! Sarah told of when she got her second favorite gift, her laptop, she felt Samuel hug her and how wonderful that was. I asked Sarah, why she had told her aunt Lynn about seeing her twin. She said, "you always said that honesty is the best policy". I did another mental head slap. Yep, that's right. It's always best to tell the truth.
I do not even pretend to know everything. This I know, there are mysterious things that happen in this life. Even if I don't understand or experience them myself. I know that God may do anything He chooses to do. Therefore, knowing my very honest child, I believe her and I am thankful for this wondrous Christmas gift Sarah was given by her Father.
Ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be full.
We thought that we were ready to take on the foster care world and that we would tackle it with ease and enthusiasm. What we learned in those first few years is how naive we were.
Being a parent is challenging. Being a foster parent is beyond challenging. Your heart breaks with each new child who comes into your home. Sometimes they stay for years. Sometimes only for days.
Sharing our home, our possessions, our faith, and our very lives with the 60 plus children who have been with us at one time or another has been a huge eye opener. With each child comes their story of abuse or neglect. Nightmares that I had previously only seen on TV were now the reality that was playing out in my living room. Drug abuse, gang involvement, sexual abuse, addictions, domestic violence, exploitation.... These are just some of the issues that have come to us.
As I think about my own upbringing, I cannot help but be so very thankful. I was raised by a mom and a dad who love God and each other. They not only loved me, but they demonstrated how to love on others. They always did everything they could to care for me and to keep me safe. I never had to wonder if I was important to them. In fact, the thought never even crossed my mind. Because of the ways they showed their love for me.......I just knew.
