One more round....

Spiritual battle is real folks.  It's ugly too.

We are constantly at war.  

Lately my mind rings a particular "theme song" for this season of life from Barlow Girl.  The chorus reads like this; 

So take me one more round
I'll just keep fighting
One more round
You're messing me up but I'm still here

One more round, and then yet another.

I am fighting a battle that is already won, so I give myself to the victor.

I may be battered and bruised, but I still come out swinging.

It has been one round after the other.

A sneaky blow to the side, a sock right between the eyes, or a nasty kick while I am down.

I need to remember that though Satan can use others to fight for him, it is his evil self that is the attacker.  

Though things may seem as though they have been shaken up and dumped out, and folks have turned away from spoken truth.

He asks me to stand and fight.

To take a stand for his word and to point others to him.

To continue to do what he has called me to, and let my soul pour out his love.  

That my actions will show my true heart.

That wisdom in silence will be louder than mindless chatter.

To get in the ring for another round.

Don't let me be reckless

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless....
When I think of reckless things, I think of out of control, chaos.
Rocks being hurled down a dusty dirt covered hill.
Nerf bullets flying through the kitchen while china is being laid out.
A hondred students throwing paint on their faces and using their bodies as sheilds to defend a flag accross the feild.
Reckless?
No
Chaos?
Controlled chaos at it's finest.
But, what about our words? Are we hurling unintentional words out for whoever will listen?  Are we pushing our agendas with our opinions that fly accross the room and peirce another's heart?
Are we quick to speak, and slow to listen....if we even bother to listen?
Lord, help my words be selected by you.  Intentionally. Words that give life. Words that bring healing.
It is ok to stop talking, if we run out of life-giving words to say.

Diffuse

We recently started diffusing essential oils.  If you are not sure what that process looks like, let me explain.  You fill a small reservoir with some water and add a few drops of this oil and turn it in.  It acts basically like a humidifier and it emits the oil into the air.  This oil is very pure, concentrated and benificial.  We use it specifically for some allergies we are experiencing in our home. This process has amazed me.  Such a small amount of this oil does so much for our family.  My daughter's eyes were usually puffy, red and itchy but after only a few hours of using the oils she was clear.  She is just one example. 

Such a small amount, such a huge benefit. 

Every time I fill that reservoir I am reminded of the world around me.  A world that needs some diffusing.  A community in need of love, the love of Christ our savior.  I want to emit that love, truth and hope to those I come in contact with.  

Sometimes it feels like my small amout of time, talents, and gifts is not enough to make a difference.

But with God working in me, through me..

Such a small amount, such a huge benefit.

A little reminder

We are forgetful

We forget to pick things up from the store

We misplace our keys

For the love of all things, I cannot seem to find two matching toddler flip flops at the same time

And yet, we are called to remember

To remember our fallen

And those who have put their lives on hold to defend us

To remember our past 

Learn from it both the good, and the bad

To remember our responsibility

Carrying out the call to share our brokeness 

For his glory

Lord, help is remember.  Help us rise up and be filled with the one true life source.  Let us not forget.

This too shall pass....all too quickly

On this day of celebration, we gathered to encourage a new mama!  I look back over the years of motherhood and am reminded of all of those joyful days, my heart is full. With the addition of each child there is so much excitement and anticipation. 

So, here I sit. Cold coffee in hand.  Not the sort of coffee that you intend to be cold either.  This mug has been reheated a couple of times, and at this point I just give up.  I will drink it cold, because if I put it in the microwave one more time I will be distracted by something that must be done this instance...and then, cold coffee.  Or completely forgotten coffee.  Again. 

To be totally, brutally honest...I am exhausted.  I may or may not have slept a total of six hours within the past two nights, and my baby just cries.  She can't sleep...so she cries.

How do you celebrate Mother's Day on little to no sleep?  With dirty floors, because the kids have dug a hole in the garden the size of a small pool.  Then they made it into a small pool. Those kids, so determined and creative.  But, the sand comes in the house and rubs at your feet reminding you that "no sane mother would allow her children to make such a mess".  

This too shall pass

There will come a time when nobody will be digging up the yard, and filling up a homemade pool.  No slamming of the backdoor while running in to catch a sip of sweet tea, or ask again what is for dinner.  Or if we had dinner, or what day it is, or why on earth am I shorter than Daddy if I am actually older than him!

My arms will be empty in the early hours of the morning, and we will all sleep soundly.  

My heart is still filled with joy, as I look at each one of these children God has entrusted me with.  Each one of them so unique and vibrant in their own way.  What an honor to be called "mom" by each one of them.  

This too shall pass....all too quickly.

Happy Mother's Day!  May you be celebrated today!  Mom's by blood, by marriage, or association, you are truly a  blessing!

Ideal

Ideal : exactly right for a particular purpose, person or situation

My thoughts are torn lately

It's not just on one issue, but on many

My heart is torn as well

The if this...maybe that of it all

So many things not right

Not right for their purpose

Not right for a person

Not right for the situation

So, what shall I choose in the midst of the not ideal? 

When we all fall short

There is so much broken down and beat up

Pulling at souls starts to pull at your soul

Thankfulness

My response shall be thankfulness

Thankful for the broken down and beaten up

And for where Christ holds us through it all

Thankful for His love, protection, mercy, and grace

Though none if this may be ideal, it is all part of God's love poured out

His mercy upheld

Protection where we aren't even aware we need it

And His grace, His wonderful...full grace

Thank you lord for the not-so-ideal 

Thankful for you Lord.....

Reverse

I recently attended a youth conference with our Sr High youth group.  I was there as a leader, but if you have ever been an adult leader on a youth trip you know that there is so much for you yourself to learn on these trips.  We were scheduled to leave Friday afternoon.  The days leading up to the trip I became overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about leaving my kids.  I love those crazy kids.  If it were finaciallly possible, I would prefer to take them on every trip we go on.  But the fear and anxiety, that was straight from Satan. Then Friday morning I became very ill.  No fever or chills, just not keeping anything down ill.  I had every reason to say, "Well there you go,  I Should just stay home and snuggle the kiddos all weekend!"  Whenever I am about to dig deep into God's word, and learn things that will transform my life....Satan gets a bit nervous.  He tries all he can to get me to stay in my comfort zone.  To help me to rationalize why I sould just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing or would do in my situation.  Trust me, He tells me these lies often.  I prayed.  I was reminded that when I am trying to follow God's leading, I need to do the last thing he asked me to do.  Just do what that last thing he asked of me is, until I hear something different.  

So, I went.  I was tired, and slept in the van in the middle of a parking lot the first night during the opening worship set.  But I made it in time to hear about Daniel.  How he lived in reverse of the culture around him.  How he stood when others bowed, and he bowed when others stood.  This weekend was life changing.  I realized that how may things I do out of fear.  Also, how many things I don't stand for because, honestly, I am a pastor's wife.  I just don't want my husband to have to get an ear full because I do things different from someone else.  

Little things and big things.  Hand raising during worship, what brands I choose to put on my children.  Conversations I am called to have out of love for God's people.  I need to live in reverse.  Reverse from our culture, and from what Satan would like me to back in to.  It may not be comfortable.  But, awkward is awesome!

White wooden chair

There is a white wooden chair in front of the window 

It is the only white thing in the room

I found that chair in the basement of a church years ago

The owner gave it to me when it was rickety and weak

I saw something more

As a person who loves the form of good posture

I enjoyed the tall straight back and clean lines

My husband took that old chair and restored it for me

He renforced the edges and firmed up the foundation

I love the thought of our Heavenly Father, looking at us with the eyes of a maker

Our creator

To redeem and restore

Softening our edges and giving us a firm foundation

Making us the only white thing in the room

Confidence

Being part of this new bible study, God has been opening my eyes.  There are not many new revelations on this theme he is trying to press into my heart, he has been talking to me for far too long about this one.  I just haven't let it sink in deep I suppose.

Confidence. 

Where do I find my value?

Will I ever get to the point where I feel like "enough".

The only answer is .... In Christ.

Christ makes me able to do more than what is ever imaginable. He gives me the words, the strength and wisdom.  When he asks me to do something, he will also make a path for it to be accomplished.  He pays for what he orders.  He equips those he calls.

God is who I will answer to.  I don't think for a second that he will question why I have chosen to organize this way or that.  But, he will talk with me about how I love, speak to and handle his precious children.  

Jesus....in his image, I am.  That is more than any to-do list I can come up with.  

Lord, help me to see myself through your eyes.  To have a heart that follows passionatly after you.  Help us all to see where our confidence can be stored.  Restore our hearts and ready them for your work.  Let us be you in flesh.  Use us oh Lord, for your glory.

Sometimes love is closed door

Please forgive me for the refrence to the super cheesy song.  My children have enjoyed the lastest craze and have reenacted the scenes over and over.  One song they have skipped over in their memorization is "Love is an open door".   In my last post, I talked a bit about doors flung open hard.  Opened by a God who deeply loves.  There are so many times in our lives when we realize that we cannot ignore the doors that he opens for us.  They are blatant and obvious at times, while other times we may not even be sure if they are open.  Maybe just a crack, should we decide to peek in.  Today, however, I would like to talk about the closed door.  My husband and I began praying along side some amazing ministry partners many years ago.  Something the man said struck me.  He asked God to only open the doors he wanted us to go through. And, Lord, please only one door at a time.  We may not have the clarity and insight needed to discern and choose which door he wants for us.  Oh, how I have prayed this prayer in so many areas of our lives since those precious days.  Sometimes all we hope for is an open door.  Whether  it is a new journey to persue, or a way in which wew should respond to a situation.  Lord, please, an open door.  But, sometimes that very door is shut.  Quietly closed, or slammed hard and locked.  God knows.  He knows the plans he has for you.  He knows the journey you are on.  Where you need to get to for the next step, the next opportunity, the next heart to touch.  So, sometimes the door is shut.  Sometimes, love is a closed door.

Weeknight thanks

So thankful that God does not give up

As easily as I do

Where I see a door only cracked

He slings it open hard

Thankful for his grace 

That makes my life whole again

For his mercies, that dug me out of the deep 

And forged a new path, a new life for me in him

So thankful for his plan

For it is perfect

Breaking Camp

A few years back God asked us to break camp.  He was preparing us, and preparing a place for us.  We had no idea where or how, we just knew he was asking us to ready ourselves to leave our little home in that lakeside city.  The first and only home we owned, and had made our vey own.  So, we began to pack.  Keep in mind that when you start gathering and labeling boxes, people start to ask questions.  We had no answers.  All we had was God's prompting on our lives.  Also, when you are packing and do not know where you will be unpacking you cannot label the boxes according to the destination.  So, we labeled them specific and according to the home we were currently living in.  

Then we felt e call to go to a small town in southern Michigan.  We began a journey with some dear friends and that time is so precious to us.  In the waiting time, we continued to pack up and prepare to move there permanently.  Then God closed the door.  We had told him we would be willing to walk through any door he opened, and we did.  Until he closed them all.

Just a few months later, still feeling the need to prepare to leave, we received another call.  This call was tugging at a hearts, but the timing was a bit laughable.  We were expecting to have our seventh baby, and I had oral surgery about a month before his arrival.  I also had surgery six weeks after his arrival.  In between surgeries and delivery we had several visits and interviews and lots of prayer times between my husband and I.  We started our children in yet another school year, and one week later we found out exactly where God was moving us to.  

In the midst of all of this we saw God and his leading in our lives in a whole new way. We learned that you don't always need to know where you are heading to prepare yourself for the journey.  If we had listened to the world around us, and waited to pack and prepare. Waited until we knew where, how and why, we would have never been able to do it.  We would have floundered, unprepared.  Instead, we were able to enjoy that sweet time with our newborn, relax and recuperate when needed. Still ready when our friends came to assist in the move.  So, how is God moving you? Do you feel him prompting you to prepare for a journey?  Is he asking you to do something in obedience to following him? Is he asking you to "break camp" in an area in your life.  Follow him, and walk through the doors he opens.  He will show you where to plant your steaks in the ground and where to rest in him.  And it will be beautiful....

The Flock

I was reading and reflecting and this thought came through like a wave.  Hitting me hard and taking my breath back.  You see, in life their are these vultures that circle overhead.  They want to pick and nip, and mock and mimic.  Their whole life is spent on hovering around those they wish to tear apart and devour.
Though we have decided, resolved and planted our feet firm.  Firm in the fight for truth and love.  Firm in the spreading of grace that comes when the vultures leave.  They still circle above.

Now, I have to also make a choice.  To stand firm.  To protect.  To let the love pour out after it has overflowed.  To create an environment where my little flock can grow and stretch.  Where we can disciple and build trust.  Trust in our great heavenly father.  Who oversees all things and speaks us into our very existence.

My focus Lord, shall be on my flock. Not on the vultures in my head. God, help me to pour out, and break the chain of pride that wells up and holds tight.  Use me, oh Lord, to lead to you.  Your compassion and salvation will set us free.  Free to fly above the vultures that be.

Joy spilled out

Tonight we gathered, we celebrated
Through laughter and chatter, I could hear it all
Joy spilling out, overflowing around the concrete floor gym
We shared a meal, encouraged each other, and worked together for a purpose
I just can't help but reflect
This is Christ in us
His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out
And so shall ours
So, tonight we gathered
In a complete picture of our savior
Joy spilled out...

Anew

Tonight I will embark
I will join a special group of ladies
Looking to encourage each other in our daily lives
To push each other to persue that which God has called us to
To see ourselves as Christ sees us
Lord, we want you to fill this home, and the hearts coming in
Fill us with your thoughts, your heart, your presence
Amaze is with you, Lord
Pour out your grace
Connect us deeply to each other as sitsters in Christ
Use us and our space once again Sweet Jesus

Ball Dropper

This post right here defines it all.
 I was asked just over one year ago to be a contributing writer for this blog.  I actually had to send another message back asking what on earth that was.What does it even mean to be a contributing writer?
I was in the middle of my first year of home schooling, I just had our eighth baby, and felt completely behind the ball in many areas in my life.
Here I am again, behind the ball.  Trust me when I say, I have dropped that ball more times than I can count.
When I thought about writing for this blog, I knew that my writing style was as eclectic as everything else in my life.  My grammar may actually  improve as I teach my children English in school, and though I did not write as much as I would like on my own personal blog, I did find it to be a great way to organize my thoughts and heart into words.
I had no idea what was about to happen in that next year.
It was a year that began with hearts being broken, lives shattered and changed forever.
All around us families came crashing down.
As a pastor's wife, I have found that sometimes you can't just ask anyone for prayer, because well....it gets awkward. but, sometimes we also need to be covered in prayer as we minister to those who are suffering.
These ladies of The Shepherd's Fish have surrounded me as a support system like no other.  I don't have to say much, other than "please pray".  It has been such a joy to have their prayers answered.
It is my hope to create more of these atmospheres of grace among women in the church as a whole.
The truth is....girls can be mean, and then they grow up...and can still be mean.
I can't help but think about all of the wonderful ladies I know, and how their lives might be changed if they had an amazing group of women supporting them in times like this.
Like I said, I have dropped the ball.  Completely forgetting to post, or forgetting what my post was supposed to even be about.  Yet here I am, covered in grace.  Love poured out by all of these ladies.  Only one of whom knew my name one year ago.  Thank you for including me.
You are such a blessing.

Accent

Last night I was talking with a group of teen girls about the importance of surrounding ourselves with accountable friends.  We should all strive to spend time with others who will sharpen us.  Who will help us to live as Christ, and help us see our displaced selves in a loving way.

I have a friend who has a wonderful southern accent.  It is just about as catchy as the latest songify out there.  The more time I spend with her, the more I notice that southern drawl coming into my voice.  The twang, the slang and the all ya'll's comes out strong.  Now, her mom has an even stronger southern flair to her vocabulary.  When I spend a signifigant time talking with her, well I may even start calling a shopping cart a buggy.  Now, if you know me, you know that I have always been raised in the Magnificent Midwest, but there is something in me that just so breaths sweet tea, front porch rocking, flip flops and good ol' southern hospitality.

Now, back to that accent thing.  Do you see how it relates to spending time with others?  If I were to surround myself with folks who had that deep-lovin', crawfish catchin', whole heart, don't hold back lifestlye....well it is something I will easily pick up on and without even a notice, I would just weave it all into my daily life.  We need to be that for each other in the body of believers.  We need to spread encouragement like a bad case of  the flu.  Build each other up in love so strong that satan himself starts shakin' in his boots.  That is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ.

Soul

My soul, oh my soul
It has been anxious and weary
Many days filled to the brim
Appointments and phone calls
And fires to smother out

My soul has been searching
For more of my savior

So, today...
With fresh snow falling
Children brighten with creative wonder
My Soul is at peace and resting in Him

The song repeats in my mind on this day
As I rock the baby for her nap
As I make beef stew for dinner

My soul my soul
Magnifies you Lord

Lord, help me have more of you
Each day
To magnify you more
From the depths of my soul

There is a girl who lives in the neighborhood

She often joins me in the daily mundane

We talk, we cook, we have a fresh cup of java

And she always reaches for the same cup

It is a mug I have had for many years, a dear friend gave it to me

It is inscribed with the word "coffee" written in several different languages 

Maybe she is  drawn to that mug because of her heart for mission

And  it reminds her of the languages of the world

The many languages she would love to share the gospel in

Or, perhaps it is because of the beautiful fall colors that adorns the mug

Either way, she searches for that mug whenever she is here

She moves others away and may even climb a counter to find it

This week she leaves for missions training, and then on to the mission field 

And so, I wrapped up that mug, her mug that is ours

Placed it in a bag with some pretty little prayer cards and gave it to her

Now, as she is far away, she can remember that I am praying

For her as she tells the world of The love of Jesus

And now, there is an empty place in our cupboard where we kept her mug

Join me in prayer for this dear girl

Who has grown from youth student, to part of our ministry team

To dear friend, and now missionary