The remote

There have been times I've wished for a remote control for my life. In a time of waiting,  I've longed for a fast forward button that would get me to the place when I find out how things are going to turn out because I do not like being in suspense. Other times I have longed for a pause button because I wanted things to stay just as they were for a little longer. I have often felt this way regarding my three children. Babies grow up way too fast. My youngest weighed three pounds at birth because he came nine weeks early. He loved to snuggle on my chest, and he preferred to have his head under my chin. Because he was so small, his entire head would fit under my chin. Although I knew it was very important that he keep growing, a part of me wanted to enjoy a little extra time snuggling that tiny bundle of joy under my chin.

Prior to becoming a mom, I had a romanticized view of pregnancy and motherhood. I had no idea what it would be like to have intense heartburn for months during pregnancy or to go months without sleeping more than 2 hours in a row. Although these circumstances were uncomfortable, I am grateful for them because they caused me to look forward to the next stage. Even though there were moments where I wanted time to stand still so I could savor the joys of a newborn a bit longer, I also knew that a little more sleep would be a really wonderful thing. The past few weeks it has been a challenge for me to adjust to the notion that I won't be having any more children. I've found it harder to watch my baby maturing now that I know there won't be another baby. He turned 15 months old today and has recently entered my least favorite phase of toddlerhood. One of my friends calls it the "tornado tot" stage. Many times a day he empties my Tupperware cabinet in the kitchen, the sock drawers in three of our bedrooms, the books of a few of the bookshelves, etc. It's exhausting cleaning up after him all day long. This week I have been thanking the Lord for this unpleasantness because it's making me have a better attitude toward seeing him move on to the next phase of development. It takes away my desire to hit that imaginary pause button. Scripture tells us that we are to live in the moment. We miss out on a lot of joy and peace when we try to live in the past or worry about the future. His grace is sufficient for the present.