Robot Monkey Mothers

A few weeks ago, Iris and I kept having the same conversation.  She'd read about a study of monkey mothering that involved abandoned baby monkeys and the robotic mother substitutes some researcher had built to test out his pet theories
I usually zoned out around the description of the robot mothers and was at the uh uh, uh uh, yes, mmhmm" phase.  We'd finish the conversation and she'd look at me closely.  A few days later she'd go at it again.  It was Groundhog Day until I finally listened.
The robot monkey mothers were of three kinds.  Those that never punished and were always accepting, those that only punished, and those that did both.  The monkey "mothers" that were loving but set boundaries were loved the most.
Knowing she finally had my attention, she said, "You're like that, Mom.  Your kids all love you the most because you love us and you set boundaries for us.  We really love you, Mom."
Yes, I melted and went all ooey-gooey inside.  In the weeks since I finally listened, her advice has been an undergirding for those tough boundary moments and for those moments when I feel like a failure, like yesterday, when I lost Iris in the Air and Space Museum.  We were two panicked monkeys, and have spent most of the time since hand in hand.  She keeps telling me my favorite story and I keep counting heads.