I was hospitalized many times for surgeries and pnumonia each year throughout my childhood from infancy. Because doctors appointments, shots, surgeries, and taking many pills a day were so common to me, I didn't struggle with the "why me" question. The first time I had that question run through my head was when I was lying in the ICU. The most painful part of that experience was when they had to put a tube down my nose periodically to drain the fluid from my lungs. One nurse did it is such a brusque manner that she literally lifted my body off the hospital bed by my nose. It was so painful that I decided right then and there I was not going to push the call button again that I was supposed to push when I needed to be suctioned. I closed my eyes and told myself the next time I opened my eyes I would be in heaven. These thoughts put my body in such distress that an alarm went off. The nurse returned and instead of trying to see what was wrong with me, she just unplugged the machine so the alarm would stop. I thought to myself, I really truly am going to die right now because this nurse is trying to kill me.
The Lord wasn't ready to call me home, and He intervened. The nurse, who had been my nurse for less than an hour, came in and said she was going to be the head nurse for the rest of the shift, and she introduced me to the nurse who was going to be my nurse for the rest of the shift. I immediately silently thanked God for sparing my life. I was unable to talk due to being hooked up to a respirator, so I was very limited in my ability to communicate. I turned my head as best I could to try to help her notice the machine that was unplugged. She figured it out, and as soon as she plugged it back in, the alarm went off. She yelled a code, which caused a team of medical personnel to descend upon my bed. As it says in the lyrics of the hymn based upon Matthew 10:29-30, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He's watching me."
Recently, I watched a bit of the show "Toddlers & Tiaras."
-1 to 6 year old girls, small children.
as the sun, and through this, we will draw others to Him.
While I was growing up I heard over and over how I needed to be in church every time the doors were open in order to please God. If I wasn't, then I was disobedient and was therefore subject to God's discipline (aka punishment) in whatever form He chose to dish it out. I can remember the first time I heard the word "backslidden". It was from my Sunday School teacher in reference to me, a child still in elementary school, because my parents had been visiting a different church to follow where they felt God was leading them.
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I went from one really hard to say last name to a different hard to say last name. My maiden name, for those of you who don't know, was Delinski. I know how to spell it out with the distinct cadence I had heard my parents use over and over. "DEl....IN...ski. It is pronounced Duh lin ski." OH just like it looks! Yes, just like it looks.
My Uncle has often joked that he is going to start a sandwich shop outside of a ski mountain. He is going to call it simply, Deli 'n' ski. We all laugh as the joke hits and it is a great pun. All of this training prepared me for bearing the name: Ansorge.
It looks easy and is less letters. You'd think there'd be fewer problems, right?
Wrong.
My Grandmother in Law has a collection of junk mail with her favorite misspellings of the name. Ansorage, Ensroga, and on and on. It is amusing the variations. The biggest issue, though, is that the family insist on the Austrian pronunciation of the name.
In English it looks like AN-sorj. You know, g says j before i and e. BUT in Austria, where the name is from, g's infront of e's say guh. So, to meet Grandma's approval you say, AN-sorg, even though this goes against everything you learned in kindergarten.
ANs...Or...Ge. I'm sorry it isn't phonetic, you say it AN-sorg, hard "g." They stumble a few times as their eyes still want to read it the other way, but then they get it and we move on.
I have friends that have known me for 15 years and still don't say it the way I just explained. I don't correct them. It'd hurt their feelings and would be hypocritical. Before I knew the difference, I said it wrong too.
This name has taught me grace.
People make mistakes. People say things the wrong way. People do things the wrong way. Many times it is a simple mistake made on past and sometimes correct information. We can stand in our rightness and scream, "YOU DON'T DO THINGS THAT WAY!!!" Or we can look at the lessons they have learned in the past, see them as Jesus sees them, and gently help them see what we see.
The warm breeze drifts on by
We steal a few hours away in His word
There are dishes to be done, buffets for the evening to prepare, and tea to brew
But for a few short hours, we rest
Rest in His love
Rest in His mercies
Bask in the sun, the breeze and a Book
To stand in awe of Him
A few years ago we pursued fertility treatments, domestic adoption, and international adoption in our efforts to become parents. We considered but did not pursue embryo adoption. When a friend of mine did adopt embryos, I was amazed to learn that the law requires an adoption homestudy to be completed prior to the embryo transfer. I was stunned at the contradiction that a woman at 23 weeks of pregnancy can legally have an abortion while the law treats an embryo that is 3-6 days past conception as a child. I pray that some day all the laws in our country reflect the belief that life begins at conception.
This month they passed a law in Wisconsin that requires a woman to have an ultrasound before an abortion. I overheard college students discussing this once when a similar law was being passed in another state and discovered they had very erroneous ideas as to when a baby's heartbeat can be seen on an ultrasound. Many little lives would be spared if every woman had an ultrasound when contemplating abortion. In a society that emphasizes the value of informed consent in so many other settings, it is mind boggling that some are opposed to the notion of requiring a woman to see what is in her womb before she makes this life changing decision. Similarly, it makes no sense that a school nurse cannot give a student one Tylenol without parental consent, but in some states a child can have an abortion without parental consent.
After trying to conceive for three years, I saw two lines on a pregnancy test for the first time in June 2005. It was such a joyous time until we learned it was an ectopic pregnancy. When that pregnancy came to an end, I received some cards from well meaning friends. Some had written sentiments such as "we are sorry for your disappointment." These came from people who believe that life starts at conception, and yet they were referring to my loss as a "disappointment." If they attended the funeral for an infant or a child, they would not refer to that as a disappointment. Our culture is filled with many contradictions when it comes to babies in the womb. Hopefully you and I speak up on behalf of these little ones whenever we have the opportunity to do so.
The other night, I heard Paul call out, "here boy, here Scooby"!
Our dog Scooby knows we are leaving on a trip.
My very perceptive mom picked up on this before I did, & said,
"He doesn't want you to go, & he thinks he'll be left behind".
That's a good way to ensure those results, Scooby.
I got home from work, prayed, then drove straight to where he was.
It was a God GPS system I had goin on.
I picture myself hearing my name, then running into His arms,
after I have gone astray. He hugs, then disciplines me,
but I know He always loves me. The Bible tells us,
"God chastens those He loves". That's what I do with Scooby too.
I'm so glad God loves me enough to chase me down, hugs me
& smacks me when I deserve it.
Thank you Papa God, for loving me
& giving me a GPS for our beloved Scooby-Doo, big hugs!
The speaker challenged the listeners to go beyond our concepts of what we think we know about God and to seek to have an encounter with Him. The service closed with the teens once again rushing the front to sing with and pray for each other. I squeezed my way up front to stay close to the young girl we had brought along.
As I was standing there singing with the crowd of mostly teens, I caught a glimpse of my son. Eyes closed, hands raised, singing "Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God. I want more of You, God". Then I noticed several of the teens from our church praying for each other, hugging each other and crying as God moved on their hearts. My nephew was right there in the midst of them.
I had lost sight of the young girl that we had brought along, and when I located her I saw her standing with her hand over her heart, eyes closed, joining in the song that was being sung. I was awestruck by how these kids were responding to the presence of God. They may not understand the how or why of what happened here, but I know that it is something that they will not soon forget.
Generally speaking, I like to blend in. "Less is more" is one of my favorite mottoes, so when I found myself standing in front of the aquatic center's office strongly asserting my opinion, I was a little surprised.
I am a veteran swim class mom. The idea of my children being helpless in water was simply unacceptable, so when our oldest was five or six I enrolled her in classes despite the seemingly insurmountable difficulty of what to do with her preschooler sister. We survived, and almost every year after kids went to class and I sorted out how to get the next group through all that bench time. At the height of my struggles, I had four kids taking classes, a preschooler protesting all the way, and an infant, mostly along for the ride--unless he pooped his pants. It was crazy. It was love.
This year, I felt entirely confident. There were only three kids. They were all enrolled in lessons, and believe me I can get kids through a swim class. I know all the tricks.
So, what was I doing at the office protesting? They'd changed a policy and expelled parents from the pool deck. Everyone with children in the competition pool was required to sit on the observation deck. I forgot all about my simple life with three kids, and snapped to the terrible grind of carrying baby in a pumpkin seat, diaper bag over one shoulder, and activity bag over the other, all while trying to keep five other kids moving through their swim class or bench time experience. In my opinion, being on the deck is the easiest scenario, and I have tried them all.
I don't think I made much difference, but when it was over I felt I'd done the right thing. I'd had my say, and I'd spoken up for mothers coming behind me. There is a time for everything. There is a best practice for everything, but there are times when to do God's work in the world you just have to speak up.
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in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
I have lived many hurts. Like the Bee Girl from last week, I have bounced from people group to people group. I have learned that when you are different of spirit, as I am, sometimes people decide that you are disposable.
To God, you are permanent. You are not cast out. I know that, to many of you, that sounds like pure rubbish. But it is true. Really. Looking to people to fix your problems will more than likely lead to more problems.
It is true that you do find people that do and say what people truly are to do and say. I have cobbled together an assortment of friendlies that include, a pastor, an atheist, a very kind and beautiful friend from 6th grade, a sister, my parents, and several others that would be too many to name. Of Course, all of the women on this page are included. All of this rag tag band are truly unique and inspiring individuals.
But it is Father's Day. I have been blessed to have many wonderful fathers in my life. My Father, Joe Delinski, my Husband, Peter Ansorge, and AMAZING Grandfathers, James Donnelly and George Delinski. But, I have an ultimate Father.
This Father is my ultimate acceptance and hope. He made me as unique and different as I am and He is very well pleased with me. When I bump into a people group that disposes of me, HE always scoops me up, dusts me off, and tells me how pretty I am in the dress He gave me. He will never let me down and will always serve the greater good with my life.
Most Christians at one point or another have probably wished that God would send them a very clear, personal message to guide them when making an important decision. Even though God has never sent me a letter outlining exactly what I should do next, He certainly has worked through circumstances to send a clear message. For many years my dad had planned on serving as a missionary in Austria. When we were young, my sister and I had several ear surgeries. My dad began to wonder if moving our family to Austria was the best choice in light of the specialized medical care we needed. He prayed that if the Lord wanted us to move to Austria, we wouldn't need any surgeries during a specific time span. Prior to that my sister had undergone a major reconstruction of the bones in her middle ear. A check-up showed that the bones were out of place, and another surgery would be needed. My dad took this as the answer to his prayer for guidance that we were not to move to Austria. The day the surgery was scheduled to take place, the surgeon did one more exam and discovered everything was miraculously back in place. The Lord had sent my dad the answer without my sister actually needing to have an additional surgery.
For months I have been praying for the Lord to provide my husband with the job that would be best for our whole family. As we submitted applications, none of the schools that were our top choices invited my husband for an interview. The schools where he has interviewed were much farther down on our list, but he would have accepted an offer, if one had been made. Instead of feeling depressed that he hasn't received a job offer yet, I am trying to have faith that it means he hasn't yet interviewed at the college that would be the best for our family. As someone who doesn't like to wait until the last minute to make plans, it is hard for me to wait patiently when I realize we might be moving to another state in less than two months. Ending up at the right place is more important than getting a job offer sooner rather than later. All but two of the seventy-nine applications I've submitted thus far have gone to schools several hours from our home. We thought the local university had hired someone else, so we put our house on the market three weeks ago. Even though a few houses in our small development have sold very quickly over the past few months, we haven't had a single showing yet. This was very discouraging until three days ago when my husband recieved an invitation to interview at the local university. Maybe the Lord prevented anyone from seeing our house because He knows we don't actually need to move this summer, or maybe we will be moving to Kansas, as he had an interview with a college there yesterday afternoon. I am praying that through both the closed and open doors God will make it perfectly clear where He wants us to live. "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will
not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5
With Father's Day close at hand, I started thinking about how truly blessed I am. Looking back on my childhood, I grew up never, ever doubting that I was deeply loved by my father. I just walked confidently in the knowledge that he loved and accepted me, that he was proud of me, and that he would protect me, guide me, and give me whatever was in his power to provide. Because of this, my relationship with God as my Father has mostly been walked out in a similar manner. I just know that He loves me. Years ago, I gave my father the nickname "Poppie" as a term of endearment, and his grandchildren have adopted it as well.
My husband has three grown children, and one of the things that attracted me to him was his heart for his children. I have watched his face as he has told me about each of them and how much he loves and misses seeing them frequently, and I know without question that this man loves his children, and would walk through fire for them if necessary.
I think of all the young people, especially the girls who have crossed my path and are in my life now, who have never known this kind of love. Some of them do not even know who their father is, or may have only met him once or twice in their lives. I am watching most of these girls run here and there, desperately seeking love, yet not knowing what love truly is. Without realizing it, they are looking for the love of the father that they never had, and only finding heartache. My heart weeps for these "little girls lost", and I just love on them and pray for them daily that they would have an encounter with God as their "ABBA" (DADDY) and that their hearts and emotions would be healed so that they can walk in the confidence that they are highly favored and deeply loved, and that the relationships and eventual marriages that they enter into can be healthy, loving relationships that they can in turn model for their children.
My only daughter, Sarah is going to be 12
this month. Wow!
My husband Paul, had decided that this year,
we would take a family vacation to Disney
World, in FL. As the time to go nears, he has
been tight with our finances. Then his workers
compensation check was late. Because of the mix
up with his check, it turns out that we will have an
extra week of pay to go on now. A total God thing.
Last week Paul asked, are you excited to go on
our first vacation in years? I said, I honestly can't
wait till it's over and we can get on with our lives.
His heart sank. I didn't have the view God gave him,
or the maturity, that he does. His view was, our
daughter is going to be 12 soon. We will only have
a few years after this, that she will be at home with us.
We need to take this opportunity to make memories
while we can.
If you blink, you'll miss her. This full understanding,
is being revealed to me by God. It came while Sarah &
I shopped for clothes, for said trip. We wear the same size
in almost everything now. She is growing up fast.
O.K. God & Paul, I get it now! I have determined
that this will be the best trip ever & I will enjoy it.
Proverbs 13:13 Whoever scorns instruction will pay
for it, but whoever respects a command is rewarded.
Today is my youngest daughter's 8th birthday. Most moms can recount every twinge of each contraction in the retelling of their birth stories. I can't. I have never physically delivered a baby. I kinda just "collected" all of mine. Their ages do not match up with their order of adoption. My youngest is actually the first permanent addition to the clan.
I remember when my husband and I were driving to pick her up. It was such a strange scenario that we hadn't told ANYONE.....just in case it didn't happen.
A week prior, I had received an email from a local pastor who was trying to help a struggling family. Long story short, we were asked if we could care for their 6 month old daughter for a few weeks while they "got back on their feet". I spoke to the mother one time on the phone and made arrangements to drive an hour away and meet them at the bus station.
As we sat in the parking lot waiting for the bus to arrive, we kept telling each other that this was ridiculous. People just don't hand off their baby to strangers. When the bus pulled in, we watched a young couple carrying an infant de-board the bus and walk toward us. Introductions were short as they placed this little girl into the car seat and put her few belongings in the trunk. We dropped the couple off in town where they were going to be staying. They kissed their baby goodbye and walked away.
We had no idea what was to come. We ended up gaining full custody of her when her birth parents faded into the judicial system. She has been one of our most challenging children, but she lights up our lives! Some parents tell their children that the stork brought them.... I tell her that she was delivered by the Greyhound bus.
