Rod and Staff

There are times when understanding God's will for your life is a mystical, uncertain experience.  Should you go to Mombassa or Cleveland?  Should you get married or stay single?  Should you have more children?  There are many questions about God's will that are murky.  There are other times when God's will is as clear as the Ten Commandments--because really, it is the Ten Commandments.  What reassuring clarity these moments offer.  

Except when we wish God felt differently.

Who hasn't wished God would take it a little easier here or there?  We want God to hear our special case, so that we can do whatever we want.  We all have to acknowledge God doesn't play favorites, and that's better than getting our way.  It is better to know that certain rules apply across the board, so that when someone else would love it if they could transgress against us they would know that this is clearly forbidden.  That kind of fairness comforts me.  That reliable good news is hopeful even when I know I might be waiting until the next life to see justice carried out.  

I love God for his mystic qualities, but the plain truth of his declared will lifts me up.

Doing it All

Can you do it all?  Blues Clues has a saying I don’t think is true: “You can do anything that you want to do!”  Well…not really.  You can do anything that God wants you to do and enables you to do, that you work for, following His leading.  That doesn’t mean you can do just “anything.” It also doesn’t mean that you can do everything “that you wanna do.”  Yes, you should reach high, and can reach for the stars if it is God’s Will.  He can help you to do things you never thought you could!  However, we are limited, by ability, by time, by resources.  If you can “do it all,” well, la de dah!  (But I think you’re lying.)  We give up something to do something.  There is no doing it all.  If you live in the broken reality of messing up, dropping the ball, trying but not making it many times, and pressure from the world to do things that God just hasn’t made possible yet, and maybe doesn’t want for you?  Welcome to my world.  God doesn’t give us it ALL.  It’s not what life is about, and who could enjoy the simple reality of living if you have to do it all?  If you are reading this, God gave you life, and He laid down His to give you…everything.  Breathe in, let it go, and thank Him for every breath.  He is the only One Who can do anything that He wants to do, and if you belong to Him, trust Him!  He wants the best, not just anything, for you.

OUCH!!!!

     Paper cuts.  We all get them.  They sting and they annoy for days as that tiny flap of skin endlessly brushes against EVERYTHING.  I have a friend who is a large, very tough looking man.  In many ways he is very tough, but in the paper cut category, his pain tolerance is extremely low.  I have listened to him rage and roar through some pains that seemingly are very small, and on my person would cause only a wince.

     I seem tough.  I've given birth to children and am in the process of raising them.  But, I'm not as tough as I seem.  I cannot tolerate emotional stress.  It is the biggest weakness I have.  Even if the smallest thing happens, (my nine year old screaming out how much he hates me and slamming the door), I go immediately to a very dark place.  I hide in my room, out of sight and cry.  Sometimes, little by little I pull away.  Sometimes I rage and roar like my friend and his hurt finger.  It all equals an overreaction to a very small and very common slight.

     The Bible says we are to be slow to wrath and quick to forgive.  That our responses to people should be gracious and filled with love.  I fail often, but the mental image of a wailing banshee in the trees is enough to make me pause.  May we all find grace today in the moments of irritation and weakness. 

Let It Be
a prayer


Let You do what You would
Let me release fists clenched on my expectations

Let grace relieve my fears

Let the Great Physician do your work in my soul

Let my wounds be healed
Let my heart give forgiveness

Let my faith and trust in You be such that I don't try to control
Let me genuinely say, "Let Your will be done,"and then
Let me let You do your work

Focus

As we go through life, different sights can trigger a wave of sadness within us. When I was single and then again when I was struggling with infertility during the first several years of marriage, the sight of a baby bump or a baby shower invitation could easily reduce me to tears. Father's Day was really difficult for one of my friends this year because her father had recently passed away. Now that I have three precious children, the sight of a pregnant woman does not have the same effect on me, but looking at photos of a newborn baby, particularly those taken in a hospital room, are difficult for me because my three babies all spent the first 1-4 weeks of their lives in a NICU. My firstborn came only four weeks early, and the next two times I was pregnant I was hoping and praying to avoid the NICU, but in fact the next two babies came six weeks and then nine weeks early. When I start to feel a wave of grief, I try to shift my focus. Yes, it would have been wonderful if at least one of my children hadn't come prematurely, but I am so blessed to have these three beautiful children. I have friends whose desire to become a mother never came to fruition. Instead of zooming in on a circumstance, I need to zoom out for perspective. If Paul and Silas (Acts 16) could "sing hymns of praise to God" while they were shackled in prison right after they were beaten with rods, I can always find a reason to praise God. The circumstances I complain about can become the chains that imprison me. Worship is the way out!

In The Right Place At The Right Time

This morning at church several people shared praises about how they found themselves strategically placed this week, either to have a need met or to meet the need of someone else.  Yesterday I was reading a daily Scripture meditation from Genesis 24 in which Abraham's servant was sent out to find a bride for Isaac.  He prayed and asked the Lord to give him success and to show kindness to Abraham.  After praying that prayer, the servant met Rebekah, who became Isaac's bride.

The word "success" in this verse is the Hebrew word qarah, which means positioning for right happenings.  Now, I wasn't out looking for anything as important as a bride yesterday, but my husband and I were planning to go out foraging for large boxes so that we could continue packing for our rapidly approaching move.  As I was washing up some dishes, I saw our landlord pull up to his house, and I dashed out to ask him about something.  As we were chatting, he asked how things were going and I mentioned that we were preparing to go in search of boxes.  He said, "Well, I have a whole bunch of brand new boxes in my garage down the road.  You can have them!"  Philip went to pick up the boxes, and I stood in the kitchen and thanked the Lord for giving me qarah in placing me in the right place at the right time that morning.  

The Process of Asking, Seeking & Finding

Our daughter Sarah, had begun to exhibit neurological problems around the age of 18 months. When she was 3 we had begun the quest to find what the problem was, through Children's hospital. She hardly spoke by age 4. We took her to speech therapy. This did little to help. Then we moved from West Virginia to Florida. Sarah's whole world changed. We had no clue this move would be so difficult for her. You see, Autistic children do not like or function well with change. However, we were unaware that she had Autism.
     Sarah would inexplicably dart out the door as I was putting things away in our new home. I would have to drop what I was doing to go after her. I had ADHD also, therefore, dropping what I was doing abruptly, made me befuddled as to where I was before I left when I came back, and this messed up my entire day. This happened often during each day. I finally found covers to put on the door knobs, so that Sarah could not escape. She then began having more fits. These were, screaming, kicking hitting, throw yourself down on the ground, uncontrollable, putting bruises on me fits. When finished, she would snap out of it and have no clue what happened or why I was crying. Add to that, the fact that she could barely communicate, simply compounded her confusion. 

      No one would watch her, therefore I was not able to procure a job. I called my mom crying, saying, "I am going nuts mom, what do I do, I never get a break, I don't know what is wrong and I can't fix her"! She told me to go to the doctor my friend had told me of. I said, "I don't have the money". She said, "God will provide". I made the appointment and God provided. Sarah began to get better. This was a holistic doctor with 3 degrees; chiropractic, medical and physiology. God provided and Sarah continued to get better. This doctor would not diagnose Sarah because he believed every symptom would depart, if given the proper environment to heal. This gave me hope for the first time, and a strong desire to find what would help Sarah. Over the next years I researched, took Sarah to various health care professionals, picked everybody's brain I could, to find what would heal my daughter. 

     Today, most people would never know she had any neurological problems. Do the neurological problems surface at times, yes. Usually when her diet changes, she hasn't taken her supplements, or when her hormones are raging, but most females have issues then. Thankfully, I am able to recognize what is going on now, and then take steps to help her go back to being healthy again.
     God in His infinite wisdom chose to teach our family many things through this entire experience. I also found out, that others have learned from our experience. Therefore, I am exceedingly glad that God chose to give us resources, and mature us in this fashion.

⁷ “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

Sometimes It Takes More

  We have probably all done it. We have listened to someone else reveal their struggles, their hurts, their hardships. We listened intently. Took it all in. Then offered our most sincere reply. " I will be praying for you."
  There is absolutely nothing wrong with offering our prayers on their behalf.......but what if we took the next step? Offered a meal? Offered to babysit? Offered a ride? Cleaned their house? Filled up their gas tank? Connected them to a resource? Sent out a gift card? A Hallmark card? A text message? Anything that might become a bright spot in their day?
  My family has been going through a whole lot of life in a short amount of time. Things that have been way beyond my control. It is frustrating, heartbreaking, and at times it can be extremely overwhelming. The impact has been great.....as in massive, not wonderful....

  However, in the midst of the wreckage, we have experienced moments of rescue brought about by human hands. Not all of the rescuers have been fellow believers, but I believe that they still have been strategically placed around us by God.

  Then there are our friends......

 When we have been too stunned to reach out for help...... They have called. They have emailed. They have shown up uninvited. They have not only offered to pray for us...they have prayed with us. They have shared their own experiences. They have shared their possessions. They have given up their personal time. They have not divulged information about us under the pretense of "sharing a prayer request". They have not pretended to be better than us. They have not pointed out our faults. Instead they have shed tears with us as we have admitted our shortcomings. They have met our crisis with mercy instead of blame. They have been the very heartbeat of God toward us. The impact has been great....as in massive and wonderful.

Hombre

One thing follows another.  You'd think it'd get easier to flow though moments of transition.  Not for me.  I fought shutting school down.  Now I'm fighting to start it back up.  I can be happy in either mindset, it's the weeks inbetween when one set of tools needs to be stored or resurrected, when the rules are relaxed or renewed, when my novel fights with my lesson plans, that is Gehenna for me.

Immutability is one of God's most attractive qualities.  The same yesterday, today, forever is a truth that allows you to take your knowledge of God to the bank.  My circumstances change, but he doesn't.  Here is today's problem.  What about yesterday's wisdom can help me solve it?  Twelve years of homeschooling practice does help.  A lifetime of looking for God's footprints is invaluable.  Now it's a matter of surrendering to the process of change.

Cry

Image from: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs25/f/2009/238/f/6/Sadness_and_sorrow_by_Maggiee88.jpg

Sorrow

Strife

Back

Knife

Empty

Drained

Loss

Pain

I turn to You

And make my plea

Have mercy, Lord!

Please rescue me

For only You can make a way

To turn my endless nights to Day

...I have nothing left to give

And I must look to You to live

Please give me hope, that I may rest

Within Your Hands, my future

Blessed 

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Grungy.

    I have a guilty secret.  OK, fine.  I shout my most embarrassing foibles from the roof and will ask you how you think my new girdle is working.  BUT, for drama's sake, I'll let you pretend that I'm divulging something really secret.  I love 90's alternative music almost more than any other genre.  Yes, I love to praise Jesus.  Yes, I know garbage in garbage out.....   YES  I hear you.  I sat through the fundy music movies that told me Satan would come out of my eyes if I listened to this music.  Maybe that is why I ran head long into it.  Really? Out of my EYES???

     One of my favorites is Green Day.  Yes, they talk about their lives in really unappealing ways.  Yes, they talk about all the sins they use to fix the mess they are.  See, that is not what is so appealing.  What it is for me that I can't look away from songs like "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is the absolute and complete honesty.  He just put so much of his soul on his sleeve and then shared it with millions so that we could find that we aren't all so alone after all.  Really.  Google it if you've not heard it.

     I wish that Christians were so honest about the secrets of their lives.  It is so easy to get all scrubbed and gussied up for church meetings on weekends, but to actually walk the walk....well.  THAT requires honesty.  It may mean you show up in pajamas a few Sundays in a row cause the depression you are in is so deep you just can't find the will to do laundry.  It may mean that you have to say something embarrassing about yourself to your close friends so they can help you pull out of a particularly sticky sin. 

     But trust me, as I alluded to in the first paragraph, I have been doing that my entire life.  I tell you that I get really sad sometimes.  I tell you that I like to be the center of attention.  I tell you that I am not disciplined enough to practice my piano materials.  I tell you I yell at my children and wish I didn't.  Many reasons.

1.  I don't want to be that way anymore.  Sin can only grow in darkness.

2.  I don't want you to think that your struggles are somehow unique to the human experience.

3.  Then because of one and two, we will not walk alone.

Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
   O, God, help me to trust you completely
and do not lean on your own understanding
   I confess I have been; please forgive me
In all your ways acknowledge Him
   Help me, God, to always credit You
and He will make your paths straight.
   Show me your good and straight path for me

Do not be wise in your own way.
   Forgive me when I consider myself "wise," but am without you.
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil
   Help me to know an turn away from anything not of You
It will be healing to your body
   God, release me from frustration, exhaustion, moodiness, worries, aches...
and refreshment to your bones.
   Refresh me, Lord, body, mind, and spirit.  

   Amen

(From Proverbs 3 NIV)

The One He Loves

Recently I heard a message about the note that Mary and Martha sent to Jesus (as recorded in John 11) to let Him know that Lazarus was very sick. Their note read, "Lord, the one you love is sick." The pastor pointed out that John also referred to himself five times in his gospel as "the one Jesus loved." Most of us would feel very awkward about referring to ourselves in that manner. We believe that God loves us, but we think of it more in terms of God loves the whole world, which includes me. I wouldn't feel awkward if someone referred to me as "the one that Paul (my husband) loves." In reality, the God of the universe loves me even more than my husband does. I truly am "the one that Jesus loves." How might it change the way I lived my life, if I really let that truth seep to my deepest core?

The Least of These...

Last night I read a post on Facebook from someone that I know who saw a man digging through trash cans looking for food. The thing that upset her more than seeing the man was that there were people standing nearby taking pictures and video of him and making fun of him. She lamented that she had no money with her to buy him something to eat so that for at least one day he would know that someone cared about him, and she was outraged that someone would mock him. She was right; any one of us could be in that position in a heartbeat.  Her post broke my heart for the man, but also for those making fun of his plight.  They desperately need a revelation of God's heartbeat for them. We all do.  When that happens people will reach out and lift up those in need rather than stepping over them, or kicking them when they are down. When we serve and love on those who can give nothing in return, we are serving and loving on Him.

In Awe, of a Divine Appointment

About 8 years ago my family and I were planning to move to sunny Florida from West Virginia. My husband was retiring from the coal mines after 30 years. At that time, I was a stay at home mom but had a degree. Paul asked me, "if you need to get a job in FL, what would you like to do"? I thought and said, "I would like to work in an office, perhaps for a doctor". I  received a position as, help around the office from our chiropractor & friend across the state line in PA, about 25 minutes away. I then quickly went to the front desk position. I had received the training needed for my resume as desired, and another person was hired.

     Several months later I was called back, to work the front desk again. Then some months later, I was given the office managers position. I trained the next person to take over my position as the time came to move to Florida. Then 4 years later the doors in Florida closed, and we moved back to West Virginia, as Paul's mom had given us her home. She had moved into Paul's sister's home, because she needed constant care. Three months later Paul's mother died, on Paul's birthday. We were grateful to God, for the time we were given to spend with her before her passing.

     Later, during Vacation Bible School here in WV, the pastor told us to write on a piece of paper names of those we would like to see come to Christ. God brought to mind my former chiropractor employer and his wife. The very next week, I was called by that employers office. They asked if I could fill in, while the front desk person Mary, had hip surgery. I graciously accepted as a temporary position. Mary came back to work and I was home again. I knew I was suppose to be there because I had the opportunity to witness the entire time.

     Less then a year later, I was called again, this time to see if I would like the office manager position. We prayed and I accepted on a temporary basis. This quickly turned into my current, permanent position. I only work 2 days a week and may bill from home an other day.  

     At one point, I felt God tugging at my heart, so I took out that piece of paper from VBS, that I kept. I showed it to my boss. I told him of VBS and that God had put me there for a reason. He was in awe and agreed it was a divine appointment. I am still praying for he and his wife, God isn't done yet.

    

Making Plans

A song in the works....

"I had it all planned out inside my head
How I wanted my perfect life to be
A perfect house, perfect yard, perfect kids
A man who would be crazy over me"

"But the roof leaks
And the floor creaks
The kids fight all the time
The yard's a mess
I'm feeling stressed
Not what I had in mind
This is not my perfect life"

Although things don't always turn out the way that we imagine them or plan them out in our mind, God definitely has a plan and a purpose for our life. The Bible says that we can make our plans, but it is God who directs and determines our steps. So just because we do not appear to have it all together by the world's standards does not mean that we are not in the exact place where God would have us....surrounded by the people that He has hand-picked to be a part of this amazing journey called life.

As the song progresses it speaks of the moment of realization that what we may see as a disaster is really God's perfect plan unfolding all around us.

"Breathe in, breathe out
 This is not how I thought
 It'd all turn out
 But I realize
 My perfect life's unfolding
 Right before my eyes"........

Proverbs 16:9  "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." (NAS)

Just Add Baby

Getting my attention is easy, grab a baby.  The Little Couple never interested me.  They seemed like normal people who are short.  Recently they adopted a baby, and now they have my interest.  Ok, Will has my interest.  He's so cute.  Watching this family explode into existence is fascinating, and my heart is strained trying to take it in.  Babies are always a good thing.

Small things aren't always so great.  "Don't sweat the small stuff," is the old saying, but sometimes the small stuff grows.  You think you've got it under control, and it grows another arm.  At the moment friends are battling slow monsters that everyday you expect to conquer and everyday you find a new level of pain, a new mark for the growth chart.  

The worst thing during those moments is that I  can't stop it or fix it.  Most of the time, I can only sit there with them it seems.  It's easy to sit by the phone waiting to hear about a baby's birth.  It's terrible to wait for news of a death, a surgery, a bankruptcy, a loss.  Love comes with both experiences guaranteed.  Love creates lots of small stuff.

Limited

Image from:http://au.reachout.com/~/media/Images/Articles%201/man_whispering_into_another_mans_ear.ashx?mw=280

Limited

To the heavy world whispering

Ugly words on my shoulder:

I cannot be what you want

I can only be me

So…Limited

There are no guarantees

Health disappears in an instant

My fingers cannot keep it from slipping away

Pain rules many days, familiar Tyrant

Making the most of Good days

Still leaves me Lacking

I cannot Plan, nor Count On myself

I am not an Income Machine

So you make me feel Useless

I have given my life Freely

For mine was also a gift

My children are thankful, maybe others,

But you turn up your nose and say,

“Foolish. Stupid. Lazy. Poor. All your fault.”

Dare I turn and reply, “Selfish!” to what you wanted,

Me to live only for me, to earn your “Respect?”

I chose the path to which I was Called

I followed the Will of the Unlimited

Shut your mouth and get out of my mind!

Every time there is a problem,

Do not spew your nonsense and make me

Rue my very Life!  I am not perfect,

But I still belong to the Unlimited

And will listen to His call

As I stumble and reach for His Vision

I will do what He makes Possible

For He will take me Past my Obstacles

Limited only by His Will for me

And there is nothing you can do to stop Him

Needy.

     It is my youngest daughter's third birthday today.  I find that I am so pleased and proud to be her mother.  She is amazing.  However, when birthdays, well any gift giving situation comes up, I consider again what is ...needed.   My daughters between them have ELEVEN, (11), LaLaLoopsy dolls.

AND THEY WANT MORE

     There is a word that has been stretched beyond the limits of my understanding.  This word implies a basic human survival necessity.  The word implies that if we didn't have the item in question, we would die.  This word is NEED.  Several uses have my mind spinning.  

"I need a new purse mine is out of style."

"I need new luggage mine is bulky and large."

"I need some new jewelry."

"I need an espresso from an expensive coffee chain."

"I need to buy designer clothes to match my husband's career."

     I'm not saying I haven't said these things, I'm just saying I'm starting to hear myself now.  I'm starting to listen to myself.  I sound entitled.  I sound like my daughters and their quest to have as many LaLaLoopsy's as appear on the TV show.  I sound....spoiled.

     The Lord has been convicting me to let go of the this world.  He's been asking me to think about others more and my petty wants less.  New and nice things are not wrong to want or to have.  But we must have the right attitude.  I NEED to start seeing thing with right eyes.  "It would be nice, but not necessary, to have...."  and "I want but do not need a....." should start to dominate my speech.  

    My goal is to start thinking much more about the basic human needs of those that do not have them met MUCH MORE, and my own wants MUCH LESS.  This is what I NEED to do.

Your will be done

Christians often pray for the Lord's will to be done. Many times when I am praying for the Lord's will, I have a strong opinion as to how I am hoping He will answer the request. For several years I prayed fervently for the Lord to give us a child. For the first few years I was praying that the Lord would work through the fertility treatments and enable us to conceive. As we pursued first domestic and then international adoption, I was praying that the Lord would bring children into our family through adoption. My husband had wanted us to pursue in-vitro fertilization (IVF) instead of adoption, but I viewed IVF as a big financial gamble and thought pursuing adoption wasn't a financially risky endeavor. In actuality we lost thousands of dollars through our pursuit of adoption. After hitting many roadblocks with adoption, I finally agreed to try IVF. The first transfer of three embryos did not result in a pregnancy. It was very, very hard to accept the Lord's answer to those prayers. A few months later we transferred the one remaining embryo that had been frozen. This time the Lord's will was to give me my heart's desire - a precious baby girl. The next year we did IVF again, and the Lord graciously gave us an energetic baby boy. We did not have any embryos to freeze that time. Last year we pursued IVF for the third time. We thought if it did not work we would accept that our family was complete with two children, and if it did result in another baby, then our family would be complete with three children. Ironically, our third round of IVF resulted in our second baby boy as well as a frozen embryo.

For decades I had dreamt of having three or four children, so one would assume I'd be thrilled to know I might be having a fourth child at the age of 42. As much as I would love to have another baby, I am petrified at the thought of being pregnant again. My first two pregnancies went rather smoothly, but my third pregnancy was an extremely difficult and at times life threatening experience. As we are drawing closer to the time when we will begin the process to transfer our frozen embryo, I find myself constantly flipping back and forth as far as my opinion on how I hope it will turn out. I do not need to have a strong opinion. It's completely in God's hands. This is one of the few times I can sincerely pray "Thy will be done" because I am not sure how to pray. I know He cares about that precious frozen embryo, and He also cares about my life. The best case scenario in my mind is that this transfer would result in an uneventful pregnancy, but His will might not involve another pregnancy or (shudder) it might involve another very difficult pregnancy. I need to "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct my paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

First Love

Having been practically born and raised in church, it is sometimes too easy to take for granted my relationship with the Lord.  This week, a friend of my husband contacted him for a lunch meeting because he had had an encounter with God.  This young man had been open to spiritual things, but his philosophy ran more along the lines of New Age thinking. My husband had been taking music lessons from him, and shared a little about his faith with him from time to time when the opportunity arose.  At lunch he told Philip excitedly about how he had encountered the Living God in a "physical, full-body (put me on the ground at the...park) kind of way."  Before, he had just listened politely and commented here and there, but the passion with which he shared his story just made us both smile and remember the initial excitement that we had when we first came face to face with the Creator of the Universe.  We are looking forward to spending time encouraging and supporting this young man as he begins his journey!  I love how his passion helps ours to burn brighter as well.  It's contagious!

I Had a Hmm, Moment.

In my more recent years, God has shown me that the meek will inherit the earth. Meek means, the bit in the mouth of a wild untamed Stallion. I have passions He put within me for many reasons, they are necessary to fulfill my purpose on this earth. However, He has shown me that passions can be misdirected. That it is necessary to allow His bit, to control my mouth.

In the past, I and my daughter were harmed, by things from the pharmaceutical world. This cultivated anger, bitterness and resentment toward the entire world of medicine. My view was horribly distorted and shamefully clouded. My passion was turned toward the natural world.

Then God took me by the hand, and slowly showed me things about the medical world that were good, necessary and helpful to others. He showed me that His own children have been placed within that entity for a purpose. They too were wired, by Him, to do His work to help others. They simply had a different bag of tools, as it were.

I was bewildered. How could a system that has tools that may harm people, also help people, and how could God have His own kids in it? He further showed me. There are substances that do different things in different people. Each person has a different physical, spiritual and mental being, He himself put within each person. He also showed me that the natural worlds choice of tools affect different people differently also. Example: after talking to a herbalist friend, I discovered I needed magnesium to fix my wrestles legs syndrome and heart palpitations. However, I took way too much for my body, and ended up with diarrhea & digestive problems. To fix this, I took mint and backed off my supplementation of magnesium, while adding calcium also. When taking magnesium along with calcium properly, I no longer had heart problems or wrestles legs syndrome. I simply lacked wisdom of how best to use these substances on my own body. But another person, who has little knowledge of the natural world and a bias against it, could have said; "the entire natural world is bad and harmful, it messed you up".

God showed me in His word. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives liberally and without restraint. I had a, Hmm moment. God is The Great Physician, He is not practicing, He knows. He knows every hair on our heads and all the substances He has made, both natural and medical, Hello Sonya! I felt ashamed. Ashamed, that I thought knowledge of natural things could fix anything. Therefore I didn't need God's help, I simply needed full knowledge of what He had made and to use it properly. There I said it. The shameful truth, of what I had allowed anger bitterness and resentment to do to me, my relationship with God and His other children in the medical world. Oh, my Father God, please forgive my arrogance, my sheer stupidity. Please take what I am, and fix me from within to reflect You and the truth of all that You have made.