R U OK?

     Three little words.  Also said as, "How are you holding up?"  I pause and think now about this question.  I ask it everyday of my toddler Ellanor who will invariably fall face forward into a wall.  I have gone from rushing in with major concern to "Are you OK?"  This is so much so my fall back default setting that after she falls her default response is, "I'm oday."  ...Even before I ask.  Even before she truly knows that she is OK or not....
   
     Those that read the blog know that my friend my age recently lost her husband.  I watched her valiantly go through the "Are you OK's?" in the church lobby.  While I know that in my church the person really wants to truly know, I wondered in other settings, what the asker was really asking.  Did one truly want to know how to help, or did one just want reassurance that one did not have to worry?  I look at my friend, try hard to put myself in her shoes, and know that for many years and in many ways, she will not be "OK" on some levels.

     I've started looking at situations like this and want to consciously start moving to, "How can I help?" or "What do you need?"  This response acknowledges that a profound hurt has happened and that I truly am interested in helping, not just interested in being reassured.  This example was set for me by a friend who is quickly becoming dear.  She read some of my status updates on facebook, and came over right away to help.  She didn't ask, "Are you OK?"  She asked, "What can I do to help?" and the difference spoke volumes to my soul.