What was I thinking?

  I know I can't be the only one who has had this moment.  The "what in the world was I thinking?" moment.  I have had many of those moments over the past week. You see, a few months ago I had the bright idea that I would attend college.  It looked good on paper. It made sense in my head. The registration process was fairly simple, and the financial aid eligibility was appealing.  I was gung-ho.....until Monday.....when I actually had to walk through the doors as a first time college student 26 years late for her first class.
   That first class was not too overwhelming, and I confidently thought "I can do this". The second class left me feeling intimidated, the third class - bewildered, and my fourth class (all online) reactivated my previously stabilized heart palpitations (no joke).  I am unquestionably out of my comfort zone as I try to recall grammar rules that I had obviously thrown out of my head (you know...you've read my stuff), try to remember why in the name of everything sane do letters have anything to do with math, and try to navigate online technology that was unheard of when I was in high school.  I mean....during my senior year we got our school's first computers with DOS programming. That was the latest and greatest at the time. Seriously.
   I thought college would be challenging, but  I had mistakenly underestimated the workload. For years my two most time consuming pastimes have been thinking and writing. However, now I have to reign in all of those rabbit trails that scamper through my brain and actually produce stuff in type that makes sense to professors who don't share my sense of humor or care for my whole "writing like I think/speak" style. I have to be all "academic" in my writing now....which makes that little flappy thing in the back of my throat kinda twitch a little.... along with my left eye.
   Every day since classes started, I have wanted to give up (heck, I have wanted to throw up).  I wanted to take back all of the papers I signed and the books that I purchased.  I am praying that week number 2 goes better. I am trusting that God sees the bigger picture and already knows how these new challenges will benefit me and prepare me for things to come.  Pray for me.  Seriously.