Torn

At the moment I am in awkward place in my parenting. I believe strongly in good medical care. This is because we have been spoiled with great medical care, and I can't imagine life without it. Or, I couldn't. One of my top priorities was to get my kids settled with a doctor. It isn't easy to find doctors who are willing to work with a family as large as ours, so I was very grateful to find a clinic that had room for most of us. When I arrived I was handed a page covered front to back with questions that ranged from nosey to in my opinion, rather improper for my teens. Furthermore, the doctor, whom i had never met, would be discussing these questions with my kids. I was told there would be no ducking it, so I left, and skipping future doctor visits was on the table.

It is at least partly legal, and many doctors are doing it to give children in abusive homes a place to speak up. I'm offended by the whole thing. I was at the clinic because I take good care of my kids, and I was being treated like a suspect. My children would be exposed to information they don't need, because they are loved and sheltered. Their education about these matters can wait for an appropriate time.

The only thing that keeps me from going nuclear, is the thought of a kid who isn't so lucky. A kid who needs that stray physical to ask for help. The procedure is in definite need of fine tuning, but if it saves kids like the ones Jeanne cares for, then I will find a way to make it work. I'm looking for a doctor of like mind, and I think my kids can endure talking about issues other kids are living.

This is a major change for me. When I gave myself permission not to care about the least of these, I took a good look in the mirror. I'm still going to be the mom. I'm still going to get in there every way I can, but I'm not going to shut the door on a child who might need it. 

Sometimes you have to accept suffering.