The Most Successful Men That I Know

This past Sunday, we celebrated Father's Day.  I read a post by Ann Voskamp in which she was telling the story of a man who was seeking his father's approval and blessing, and his father felt unable to give that because he had never received that from his own father.  Ann made the comment that "You can't deeply love your parents until you grieve the deep wounds of their life."  Now, I'm not sure that I completely agree with this statement, however, I understand what she is saying, and it made me ponder my own father's life. 

My father was just four years old in April of 1945 when Granny received the dreaded telegram informing her that her husband was among those soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice, and just a few weeks before the end of WWII.  As my father grew up, my Granny dated a fellow who was the closest thing to a father figure that Dad ever had, and it was not a pleasant experience.  In spite of never having the example of a loving father in his own life, my Dad never let a day go by without letting me and my siblings know in word and in deed that we were deeply loved, and that our mother was well-loved also.  He has always been a living example to us all of how to love your family. 

Another influential person in my life shared a tribute to her father and to her husband in which she wrote:  "I was blessed by my dad's love in my life and by his example...so much so that I chose a man cut from the same cloth.  He is the most successful man that I know...mainly because he has made his wife happy all of her life with him and has loved and enjoyed being a father to his daughters."  This really struck me, as I see similarities in my life.  My father has influenced my life to the extent that I found a husband who is very much like him, and I am so grateful to be able to say that, and to say that my husband has made me happy and that he has loved his children as well.

Touchy Subject - Abortion - Untimely Pregnancy

    An option in dealing with an untimely pregnancy is abortion. This is one of the most controversial subjects, in many areas of our society. People have protests, marches, get into arguments and fight. People have even killed adults and gone to jail over their beliefs.
    This option appeals to some because it is the least financially expensive choice. It is the least time consuming also. This has the least amount of responsibility attached to it, or so it would seem.
    A friend of mine became pregnant in business school. Out of curiosity I asked, "Why don't you have an abortion"? She looked at me with intense eyes and said, "what is the difference between having an abortion, and going up to someone in the street then shooting them in the head"?
    I will not sugar coat it. Abortion comes with a curse. Without forgiveness from God, it holds a day of judgment. God requires an answer from all who shed blood. This comes with emotional scars and sometimes physical ones. It may include very unpleasant things in the doctors office that one doesn't easily forget, smells, sounds ect. It may take away the ability to have children later also.
   You knit me together in my mothers whom, from before time you knew me, the bible says. From the moment of conception, the woman carries a child, not a blob of tissue, a person. So when a person's life is ended against their will, by definition, that is murder. This choices consequences are far reaching. It brings up strong emotions in those involved with it. There are those who were forced to have sex against their will, and then forced to abort the child. I have seen the tears and consoled the women, years after the fact.
    Those that have made this choice or were forced into it, need to heal. They need their Heavenly Father's forgiveness. They do not need our judgment, condemnation, cold stares or speaking at them, rather then to them. They need tissues and hugs, compassion, a lifting up in prayer and removal of a curse. One never knows what they will do, unless they are placed into that position. Please pray for those who are contemplating abortion and those that have had them. May love overshadow them and keep their foot from straying into the clutches of Satan. But for the grace of God, go we.

Me Too.

   Happy Father's Day!  Today when church was over, Dad and I ended up chatting with our pastor. The conversation started about the horrific flash flooding that our community has gone through in the past few days. One of the hardest hit places was the Baptist Church I grew up in.
  I told our pastor that I remember when I was a little girl my dad ran a Sunday School bus route for that church and I loved going with him. He always had a pocket full of smarties or tootsie rolls to give the kids.
  Dad recounted one particular Sunday with a little boy who was suffering from a toothache. Dad had reached out multiple times to this boy's father with no visible success. This Sunday, the boy was in quite some pain, so Dad held him on his lap while the bus driver maneuvered through the route delivering kids back to their homes.
  As they approached the turn off to the boy's house, he looked up at my dad and said "Mr. Kincaid, when I grow up, I want to be just like you". My dad told him that he should want to be like his own father when he grew up. "No, sir. I don't want to be like him. I want to be like you."
  Years later, Dad would learn that this boy's father did eventually give his heart to Jesus. The man who had been so harsh and set against anything having to do with church went back to some of the folks who had reached out to him and his family for years and thanked them.
 Listening to my dad tell the story today, I thought about the words that boy said.... "When I grow up, I want to be just like you".  Then I thought...... "Me too".

Too to Four

I had a bad night last night. I woke up around 3am and found myself processing a lot of information and worries badly. The "what if"s, "might be"s had there way with me and I'm not over it yet. I have a rule for anything I think about between 2-4am. I roll over, go back to sleep and see if it holds up in the morning. Most of the time that is a great help, but this time there was too much. Our upcoming move is taking too long, my handsome is over in Ann Arbor, so there is too much to process and no one to help.

So, what to do? "Cast all your cares on him for he cares for you." I need to do a better job of choosing my comforts. Snacking and TV are taking up too much time and waistline. Other comforts are slower but better. I need to remember my limitations, and that no matter what control is out of my hands. I need to confess my sins and leave the enemy no room to taunt. I need to remember the truth is I don't know what's best.

Ssh!

Speak to me in the Stillness

For the world has worn me thin

Tell me I am not hopeless

Forgive me for all my sin

All around me is Clamoring

The Angry Urgent presses Close

Until I find it hard to Breathe

Just when I need it most

Let me rest in Your Beauty

Surround me with Your Love

Whisper “It will be alright!”

Turn my eyes Above

Renew my ragged spirit

Take me, for a moment, Away

Refresh my mind, and Strengthen my joy

That I may Serve You for One More Day

In Gladness

3 Rules learned from the Big Box Club Store.

     Shopping in the big box club store in summer with children is an adventure. The odd lighting, oddly quiet and then blaring music, the pushy sample grandmas, and the lack of selection all line up to make everyone off sorts. This last time it started at the door. As I corralled the kids around our cart du jour, I saw that several people walked in with a dour expression and moving very quickly. Consequentially, none of them had to stop, dig out their cards, and show them. I'm not rude and with a three year old in tow, I'm not moving quickly. I got the cart, maneuvered my kids around a cart in a way they won't fight with each other, walked toward the store, and smiled at the clerk at the door. She made me stop, get my card out of my purse, and show it.

*************really****************

    I showed it, because that is officially the rules, but I could not help but be annoyed. If that truly is the rule, then follow it with every customer even if they look upset and in a hurry. Otherwise you are just annoying an already annoyed and harried subset of people: slow moving moms.

     This made me stop short and filled my mind the rest of the trip. I wasn't annoyed by having to show my card, I was annoyed because people who had been rude didn't have to because they were rude. There was so much there I could not wait to sit down and tell you all about it.

1. There is never any reason to be rude to little old lady door greeters at Big Box Club Store. Truly. I need to give them a break and let them do their job. Yes, you saved one minute by not having to take out your wallet, but you became less of a person in the process.

2. When in a place to do a job, I need to consistently apply what I know to be true. Inconsistency breeds frustration in my family. In my life as a SAHM, there are rules and schedules of the day that really frustrate my children much less if they are consistently applied. For example, every Wednesday needs to be a clean up day every single week if I expect them to participate happily, I need to clean my bedroom working hard beside them as they clean theirs. If I skip Wednesdays, I know that next week I'll hear, "Do we have to Mom??????  We didn't last week!"

3. I need to stop punishing people for slowing down and being polite. Especially my children. When they want to help but have no skill set to do so and would make my job that much harder, I need to acknowledge that they WANT to help. Somehow I need to include them and make them a part of what I am doing so that they will always want to help in the future. They will be given many reasons to stop being helpful and polite in the future I must not be one of them.

    

Don't let me be reckless

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless....
When I think of reckless things, I think of out of control, chaos.
Rocks being hurled down a dusty dirt covered hill.
Nerf bullets flying through the kitchen while china is being laid out.
A hondred students throwing paint on their faces and using their bodies as sheilds to defend a flag accross the feild.
Reckless?
No
Chaos?
Controlled chaos at it's finest.
But, what about our words? Are we hurling unintentional words out for whoever will listen?  Are we pushing our agendas with our opinions that fly accross the room and peirce another's heart?
Are we quick to speak, and slow to listen....if we even bother to listen?
Lord, help my words be selected by you.  Intentionally. Words that give life. Words that bring healing.
It is ok to stop talking, if we run out of life-giving words to say.

Not forgotten

My three children all began as embryos in a fertility clinic. My boys were both transferred to my womb five days after fertilization. My daughter was frozen after five days and then transferred three months later. Our third ivf cycle resulted in both a pregnancy and a frozen embryo, which didn't happen in my first two cycles. This meant that our last embryo was frozen for twenty months before it was transferred. During my third child's pregnancy and infancy, I wasn't thinking in terms of this being my last pregnancy or last baby because I knew we had one more embryo. Three of my first four embryo transfers were five day transfers (blastocysts, if you want the technical term), and all three had resulted in a viable pregnancy. My first embryo transfer, which resulted in a very early miscarriage, was a three day embryo transfer. Knowing that our fifth and final transfer would be another blastocyst transfer led me to be rather optimistic that it would result in another viable pregnancy, but that was not what happened. I saw those two beautiful lines on the pregnancy test, but the pregnancy did not last very long. My due date was this week. For the past several months I have often found myself thinking about where I would have been in the pregnancy, if I hadn't lost the baby. If this child had been born, my husband would have loved him or her dearly, but for a variety of reasons, this miscarriage actually brought a sense of relief to him. It has bothered me at times that I seem to be the only one who remembers or feels any grief over the loss of our last baby. I am comforted by the knowledge that my baby is in the presence of Jesus, and some day I will finally be able to hold that little one in my arms.

If I was still able to have one more baby, this miscarriage would be easier to handle. Part of what is making it harder for me is that our trying to conceive journey is ending on a very sad note. In our society there exists the notion that we can exercise birth control, but in reality both unplanned pregnancies and infertility will always exist in this fallen world. God is the author of life. We are not in control. One of my sisters started trying to conceive her first child a few months before I did. Her oldest child is eleven years old (mine is about to turn six), and she's currently pregnant with her seventh child. When I contemplate situations like this, I am choosing to focus on my blessings instead of my losses. I absolutely love being a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. I don't want to steal joy away from these years by focusing on how much I would have loved to have a fourth child. For many years the sight of a pregnant belly brought tears to my eyes. I don't want to go through that again. When I am tempted to feel sad, I am trying to remind myself of my three blessings. I have not forgotten about my babies in Heaven, but I am choosing joy!