The Pursuit of Happiness

"We tend to look to others to make us happy. The moment our happiness is dependent on someone else we have made them our source. Which means our happiness vacillates with their behavior. We are now feeling lack, which gives birth to codependency. The ultimate codependency is when we look outside of ourselves to meet a need that only God can meet in our heart! Blinded by need, we make needy decisions which actually destroy any hope of true happiness. Others can contribute to our happiness, but they can never be the source. The only people who are truly happy are the ones that are happy regardless of others. Only when we can be happy without others are we able to actually make the necessary decisions that lead to a life of happiness. When we are happy independent of the actions of others we can walk in God’s love and open the door of endless possibilities for happiness!"

~Dr Jim Richards

While skimming through my Facebook posts the other day, this quote from Dr. Jim Richards caught my attention, and it made me recall a period of time in my life where my circumstances were less than ideal, and I had to choose daily (sometimes moment by moment) to not base my sense of "happiness" on my current circumstance.  I was going through a divorce, mourning the death of something that I had believed would last.  I was told by well-meaning friends that I "deserved to be happy."  I had to take a good hard look at what that meant, and I made a decision that whatever happened, I was not going to look to another person to "fulfill me" or to make me happy.  I determined within myself that I was going to allow the Lord to fill that need for happiness as I walked with Him.  Philip told me when we were courting that one of the things that had attracted him to me was the genuine joy and peace that I exuded despite the painful things that had occurred in my life.  Now that doesn't mean that my life lacks drama and times where I don't feel happy, however, I can still go through life with a sense of peace despite the things going on around me.

I have observed so many dear friends and acquaintances who have been searching for happiness and are convinced that they can only find that in another person, and I have seen the drama and heartache that they have found instead.  It breaks my heart for them, and whenever I have opportunity, I share with them what I have learned.  I pray that they will also learn to find their worth and their happiness in God as they allow Him to heal their wounds and love on them.

Touchy Subject- Adoption - Revised

   If you read my blog last week between 6-8 a.m., this is essentially the same blog. However, I put a different one at 9 a.m. if you would like to read it. I meant to reschedule this before it went up.    
    I myself had an untimely pregnancy. I chose to give my son to a couple to adopt. I was not ready to be a parent in any way. The benefits are; the mom chooses if she wants to remain in contact with the family and child or not, whom the parents will be. Everything is in her control until the day she gives the child over to their new parents. At that point, all control is relinquished. The biological parents may choose weather or not to see their child again with a closed or open adoption. I chose to have open contact when desired for either party. It was awkward for the first few years. However after 17 years, our families get along well and things are no longer awkward. I speak to my son on the phone, have attended birthday parties, a track meet, their church, stayed in their home and they ours.
    There were adversities also. My boss almost fired me, because he was against my choice. Then the company was taken over by another, and he was fired instead. The biological father said he would only give me money for an abortion at first. Later he was a bit more helpful.
    What are the side effects of this decision? Usually, around my son Luke's birthday, I am agitated and overreact. Sometimes I have a melt down and cry till I can't cry any longer. I use to drink myself into oblivion until Luke's birthday and mothers day, which are close together or the same day, had passed. Thankfully, God has healed me and given me a new perspective on alcohol. The emotional toll is difficult, but I have a peace too. Luke has been well cared for. We have a relationship. Best of all, I had the opportunity to give a precious gift to a couple longing for a child.
    The side effects on the children may be that they feel abandoned, have spiritual issues often, and may act out to get attention. Often they don't feel like they belong, especially if a natural born child is in the home. They usually are very loved and well cared for. They are thought of as a precious gift and the adoptive parents are usually financially sound because it is very expensive to adopt. Most of the time the parents are a little older too. So they bring more wisdom to the child's life. Adoption is difficult but it is a wonderful path that I recommend to some. Not all are meant to take that path.
    To those that did not have to make a similar choice, I ask; Please give compassion and understanding for what ever choice others make. One does not know what they would do fully, unless they themselves are in that situation. This may be a touchy subject but untimely pregnancies, that end in adoption can be a blessing to all involved.
    God works all things together for good, to them who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

One Man's Trash......

  My house was a disaster like every other day. Trying to keep up with a job, a husband, 5 kids, and 3 dogs can be exhausting, so the house is often in disarray.  From the first step into the front hallway, through the dining room, kitchen, and all the way to the living room there was stuff. Little stuff. Big stuff. Kid stuff. Toys. Clothes. Dirt. Backpacks. Books. Shoes.
  A knock at the door produced 2 kids (brother and sister) from up the street wanting to come in. I immediately said "No". I didn't want anyone seeing what a mess my house was. It was trashed. I had nothing to offer these kids and was annoyed that they had just shown up on my doorstep.
  My 8 year old knew them from school and helped them explain to me that they were supposed to ride a different bus to their grandma's house, but the school sent them home on their normal bus. There was nobody home. Their mom was at the Emergency Room with their baby brother. They were 8 and 9 years old..
   It was really cold outside, and I couldn't stand the thought of them being stuck out in the cold for however long it took for their mom to return. So I stepped back and let them in. As they entered my house, I caught my breath at the smell coming from them. We called their mom to assure her that they were safe and that they could hang out until she could get them. I fed them some stale chips...the only snack food that we had in the house. I gave them some fruit punch. They sat in the living room and watched cartoons until an older sibling stopped by to get them.
   The next day my daughter caught me off guard by blurting out that those kids kept telling her how nice our house is. I was a little bewildered. After all, my opinion of my house was that it was a hot mess and an embarrassment. My daughter went on to say that they told her that they liked the chips and drinks I gave them. You see, they didn't have running water in their house, so they couldn't make fruit punch. They didn't have snacks at their house, and they didn't get to watch cartoons there either. The little girl had admitted to my daughter that she didn't like wearing mismatched clothes, but she had to wear whatever she could find that was clean. She also wished she could take a shower sometimes.
   I felt humbled and convicted. I hadn't wanted to let them in because I was afraid that what I had to offer wasn't good enough, but what I had viewed as "trashed".....they dream of having.

The Way Things Should Be

Ever have the feeling that things just aren’t as they should be?  There are times when you feel like your family is completely under attack, even from some you consider friends.  Things break, people or animals die, sickness makes everything undoable , hopes are dashed, relationships fall apart, dreams shatter, bills threaten, confidences are betrayed---and usually, a lot of this happens at the same time.  The fight to do Right seems futile, and sometimes I get weary of trying.  I give the hurt, the hopelessness, to God, and then I have to do it again, and again.  It comes back like waves upon the shore, and I feel eroded.  Still, I will.  When I think about it, maybe I haven’t done absolutely Everything wrong and therefore am suffering the wrath of God for being completely Wrong in all things.  I have been redeemed and forgiven, and He loves me as His own.  Maybe things really aren’t as they should be, maybe people aren’t as they should be, and maybe I myself am not as I should be—but God is Always as He should Be.  Maybe my erosion isn’t going to eat away at me until I am destroyed, but will change me for good.  As long as my life is in God’s hands, my heart belonging to Him, my future trusted to His care--as many times as it takes—I know that He is drawing me closer to Himself.  I can trust the One Who loves me the most, and, no matter how high the waves get or how much ground is lost, I really am Secure.

 Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Awake.

     I have made a habit of listening to Christian radio in my home. It feels like opening a window and letting light in. The songs all speak of Jesus and struggles common to believers. While melodically, it is not my usual style, I cannot argue with the truth of the words. God loves me. I am wanted. I can be an overcomer. The encouragement is profound.

     The station I listen to also has one minute long devotional thoughts from respected teachers. During this time of struggle and insomnia, my ears perked up when I heard the author they got for that time slot say, "Maybe you are tired and run down from a busy schedule or lack of sleep. We need to remember that God has for us His unlimited strength. We can fail trying to lean on our sleepy weakness or soar resting on His wide awake strength."

     I knew what I needed. I bowed my head and prayed. I'm still not sleeping that well, but God is lifting me in His arms and giving me peace. I am meeting the needs of my children.

    Life is no where near perfect and mistakes are still being made. But as I learn more to rely on Him, He forgives, gives strength, and heals the damage. Damage done by not resting in Him.

   Let us all today remember to ask Him to set our feet on higher ground.

Diffuse

We recently started diffusing essential oils.  If you are not sure what that process looks like, let me explain.  You fill a small reservoir with some water and add a few drops of this oil and turn it in.  It acts basically like a humidifier and it emits the oil into the air.  This oil is very pure, concentrated and benificial.  We use it specifically for some allergies we are experiencing in our home. This process has amazed me.  Such a small amount of this oil does so much for our family.  My daughter's eyes were usually puffy, red and itchy but after only a few hours of using the oils she was clear.  She is just one example. 

Such a small amount, such a huge benefit. 

Every time I fill that reservoir I am reminded of the world around me.  A world that needs some diffusing.  A community in need of love, the love of Christ our savior.  I want to emit that love, truth and hope to those I come in contact with.  

Sometimes it feels like my small amout of time, talents, and gifts is not enough to make a difference.

But with God working in me, through me..

Such a small amount, such a huge benefit.

Imperfect parents

From the time I was twelve years old I spent a lot of time caring for children, as a babysitter, teacher, and principal. At the age of thirty-six I became a mother, and I quickly learned that parenthood exposes weaknesses in my character that didn't show up when teaching or babysitting. I am currently reading Sacred Parenting: How raising children shapes our souls by Gary Thomas. His premise is that the "process of parenting is one of the most spiritually formative journeys a man and a woman can ever undertake." This certainly rings true for me! Having children isn't about me but about bringing glory to God. In chapter three he says, "weakness on our part can actually become a strength when we use it to transfer our kids' allegiance from us to God." We love our children, but God alone loves with a perfect love. The guilt we feel at times can enable us to model our need for God to our kids. Micah 6:8 instructs us to "love mercy." The word used for "love" means "to feel enthralled by" mercy. I need to not only be thankful for the mercy I have received but also be eager to show mercy to others. Without sensing my own guilt, I would never sense the need for this glorious gift of God - mercy. The author contends that "using guilt as a call to adoration can turn parental guilt into a pathway toward intimacy with God." God cares just as much about my spiritual growth as He does about my children's spiritual growth. My kids can be valuable teachers to that end.

Hope

There has been a stirring in my spirit lately regarding authenticity, removing masks, encouraging others to do the same, and providing a safe environment for them to do so.  This is also part of the heart of my husband's band, Longing For Eden.  The songs that the band members have written tell their stories of abuse, addictions, loss and brokenness, but more importantly, of the hope that they found when they encountered the living God and His abounding grace.  These stories have not been easy to tell, and some stories yet to come are taking a lot of courage to be able to share, but we are all discovering how much our stories are speaking to people.  Last night at the end of a concert, one of the band members told me that he was approached by a man who opened up and shared that he had struggled with an addiction to pornography, and how one of the songs spoke to him about the impact that his struggle had on his wife, and that the song had also touched her deeply.  Another person that we are acquainted with approached my husband and said, "All I knew was that you were a pastor.  I thought you had it all together.  I had no idea..."  He was stunned to hear my husband's story of struggling to believe that God really loved him, and the message of grace that settled the issue for him.  I really believe that as we open up and share our stories, that life and hope will be imparted and those who hear them in turn will be able to share that hope with others as their lives are changed.