Recently, a long distance friend called me and shared that she felt truly alone. Her life is hard and rather than embrace her through the time, everyone left her. Invitations to dinners dried up, friends made excuses to not come over, and her church looked away. This is becoming reality for all too many people.
We have become a people where inconvenience and messiness is somethin to ignore. "You understand, right? Your son gets really wound up. It is hard on the other children. We're still friends though. Always." First, emails go unanswered. Then phone calls go strait to voicemail. Then they start hiding behind food displays in the grocery. Plans get made and splashed all over your newsfeed you never heard a word about it. The overwhelming message is, "You're too messy. Go away. I can't help you." I have faced it and so had she. This from good Christian fellow church members.
I have decided to see the others in the same circumstance and reach out. To notice who is alone and left out. It is easy to do when you stand in crowded lobbies quietly watching groups and look at who wasn't tagged in that social media group shot. In doing so, I have found a ministry. I have found brokenness and real needs that can be helped. We have all found support.
My word today is two fold, if you find yourself alone in a crowd, look for others feeling the same way. Make your own crowd of outcasts. We're pretty cool people. If you are in the group making plans for the weekend, reach out to the lady never invited. Isolation, ignoring the needs of others, hoping someone else will take care of it, is never what God intended. We are the hands and feet of God. We are the ones called to do His work. Sometimes that means inviting the family with the tough kid and telling your kid to suck it up. Pray about who needs love in your life and extend that hand to them.
Today is my sweet Sarah's birthday. My husband and my only living child together. With all that has happened in Sarah's life, the neurological issues, social and temper problems, I don't know if I could have handled another child. I literally have called my mom crying, telling her I was going crazy, when Sarah had horrible neurological problems.
It's hard to believe she is 13 years old. Do I miss the earlier years? For a few fleeting moments, yes. Then I remember the struggles. Would I have done things differently if I had known then, what I know now? YES! However, our struggles propelled me to pray often, research, and talk to people who were able to help. It gave me compassion for an autistic girl that later gave me a hug, when no one else, including her mother, had ever received one from her. I genuinely have compassion for people with differences. There are those that have never had to deal with neurological issues. Some judge, and comment out of ignorance. I am glad I do not think as they do. Through these difficulties, God has given our family a heart of compassion and understanding for others. All be it, we would not have chosen this path if given the choice.
Adversity has given us a platform to stand on, in order to help others. However, I have learned to only help those that want it. I have learned the hard way, that if help is not wanted but forcefully given, it has the opposite effect. Those people do not benefit but become worse for my efforts.
Sarah's 13 years on this planet have been anything but boring. Then again, she is an extraordinary child. How many people do you know that have had ADHD, autism and Asperger's Syndrome, or even one of those neurological problems, but are now fine, can function in social settings and have compassion for others, anyone? Well, after looking at the evidence, and speaking to anyone who knew Sarah then and now, one would conclude that what we did worked. I can't take credit though. God orchestrated the whole thing. Will Sarah ever have problems with neurological issues in her life again? I don't know, but we now know what causes it and how to fix it. If you don't believe me, that's fine. Sarah is well, and to this mama, that's all that matters.
My baby is growing up. I'm told the teen years tend to be the most trying. Oh well, just another chapter in our book of learning how to deal with adversity in life. Perhaps by the time she's an adult I'll know something. I'm very thankful God has given us Sarah to raise and has covered us through it all. Happy Birthday Sarah!
"You are telling me that you have trained physicians who cannot perform a basic physical because it isn't September?" I thought I'd get a giggle, or an acknowledgement that things were at least sounding extreme, but the girl at the doctor's office went on until all I could do was make a quick exit before getting rude. In her defense who knows what all that red tape represents, all I could tell was that my son would not be seen.
 |
| Image from: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01523/galloway620_1523750i.jpg |
I love Nicole's post from last night. Go read it here. I have felt the same way all week long. I am fighting a fight against thoughts, feelings, misunderstandings, and confusion. I feel like my fight is much more Fiona Apple's "Shadow Boxer." The attacks are not coming because of sin issues, although there are always sins in my life that I'm working on and dealing with, but because of blazing success. Theses triumphs come because God reached down and gave me His strength. He turned moments of hateful failure into these moments of success. I need to take a minute to "say" this out loud so that the discouragement does not overwhelm my soul.
I am having tremendous success in a marriage that was in jeopardy last summer. Now, it all seems like some bad dream that is completely over; swept away by God's grace and healing. With the help of a faithful friend and co-leader, Ann Newell, I have taken 57 special needs moms and united them under the banners of "Read more of the Bible" and "You are not alone. We are all with you in this." ALL of us in those two Bible studies report that special needs parenting is the hardest most isolating thing we have ever done. We are ALL grateful that we found each other in the name of Jesus who brings support. We are taking time to ourselves and for five minutes everyday, giving that time to Jesus. I am personally meeting one of these ladies during my vacation and we both feel like we are meeting family. My parents are going to be moving in soon and that will be a HUGE benefit to both families. In all honesty, my parents, my spouse, and I are all looking forward to this moment. Things are improving in every quarter! I love my church and they have put us on the rolls as members and been very encouraging all the way.
But now, in this moment, alone at my computer with kids playing upstairs, I feel the questions creeping in. I feel the false accusations and hurtful words in my head. They come because of the many MANY times in my life that I have failed miserably: from the times that I had to crawl back out of captivity. They come because they know where I have been. They would do anything to drag me back. They sound like this, "Oh yeah? YOU did all that? I don't think so. You are a failure. You are not enough. Sin issues you're DEALING WITH? not at all. You are a wallower. You are a miserable mother. A good mother would have done this blog while her kids are still asleep. Hear them fighting? That is because of you and your utter failure as a mother and person."
If you aren't pulling out of captivity, if things are not looking bright and cheerful, please know that you are not alone. God is calling you and in HIS power and on HIS strength, He will personally lift you. Just put an arm up or if that feels too much, cry out to Him. He will hear you and His mercy, NOT his condemnation, but His MERCY is new Every Single Morning and I praise Him for that.
Spiritual battle is real folks. It's ugly too.
I'll just keep fighting
One more round
You're messing me up but I'm still here
One thing I have particularly had a hard time spending money on over the past six years is to pay a babysitter so my husband and I can go out on a date. During the first 4.5 years of motherhood I was working part-time. It didn't bother me to pay for a babysitter then, because the reason I needed a babysitter was so I could earn money and provide health insurance for our family. My husband and I met at a ballroom dancing class in 1997. During the years we dated, we went to ballroom dancing classes whenever possible. Over the past thirteen years of marriage, we have done almost no ballroom dancing. I recently learned of a ninety minute class being offered less than a mile from our house on Friday nights. It sounded like a wonderful thing for us to do, but I was immediately feeling guilty about spending $18 for the two of us to take the class plus whatever it would cost to pay a babysitter to watch our kids for two hours. A few days later while taking my kids to their horseback riding lessons, it hit me that I did not bat an eye at the thought of spending the money for my two kids to each have five 30 minute private $10 horse back riding lessons. Why is it easier for me to spend money on my children? Right then and there I told myself that we were going to take the ballroom dancing lessons because it's something that we both enjoy, and it's also great exercise. It's an investment in our marriage. The next time I feel guilty about spending money so my husband and I can go out on a date, I am going to remind myself of the things we pay for our children to do like take gymnastics classes. I don't want to have to wait until all our children are grown (our youngest is not yet 2 years old) to make memories with my husband. After my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with my husband should be my top priority in life.
