PS...I love you

 

   I came home from work the other night to find a hand written note from my 10 year old. When I saw it my first thought was that she must be ratting somebody out. As I read down through the 3 pages a smile began to creep over my face. The note contained a bunch of random sentences giving me the rundown of her day. It included information like "I got hit in the eye at school today", "I wore my Longing for Eden shirt to school", "I love learning about our country's history", "Here are some facts about Harriet Tubman", and "I did my laundry".
   The kicker came at the very end. She signed her name, dated it, and wrote "PS..I love you". Cue the tears.....    Many parents hear those words from their kids all the time. We don't. Oh, we say them, but only 2 of our kids usually return them.
   There is a thing out there called Reactive Attachment Disorder. During infancy through about 3 years old, we learn how to bond and attach to our caregivers. When this process is interrupted by abuse, neglect, or the abrupt loss of a caregiver, it can cause trauma and make it difficult to attach to other humans. One of my kids has this diagnosis on paper, and a few of the others exhibit the signs. They either have no boundaries with humans and become almost obnoxious with their need for affection, or they go to the other extreme of always maintaining their distance and never letting their guard down to accept any kind of affection.
   Since being placed back with us at age 5, this adorable girl has always kept her distance. She responds to "I love you" by turning around and walking away. If I reach for her hand, she pulls away. There is no cuddling on the couch watching a movie, no painting her nails (she does it herself), no tears when she gets injured, no calling out for me at night when she is sick. When she had surgery last month, I sat by her hospital bed waiting for her to wake up and brushing her hair back out of her face. Still unconscious from the anesthesia, she reached up and pulled her hair back across her face and pushed my hand away. This is how ingrained her response to affection is....for now.
   When I saw the "PS I love you" written on that page, it took my breath away. It wasn't a slip of the tongue. It was written. Which means she thought about it, and she chose to write it.....because she meant it.