Five little things

I have been reading Shaunti Feldhan's book, The surprising secrets of highly happy marriages: The little things that make a big difference.  She surveyed more than 2,000 people and found 250 couples who both independently and anonymously chose "Yes!" (rather than "Yes, most of the time" or "it depends - sometimes yes, sometimes no", "not really", or "No! I am really unhappy") to the question "Are you, personally, generally happy in your marriage these days and enjoying being married?". Most of the chapters focus on one specific tip. For example, in chapter three she explains the benefits of always assuming your spouse cares for you and had no intention of hurting you. Chapter two is unique in that she describes ten small actions - five for women and five for men, that can lead to a much happier marriage. Although I believe that my husband and I would answer "Yes!," there is certainly room for improvement within our marriage, and I have purposed to focus on each of these "fantastic five" one at a time in my marriage over the coming months.

1. Noticing my husband's effort and sincerely thanking him for it.
2. Saying " you did a great job at ______."
3. Mentioning in front of others something my husband has done well.
4. Showing that I desire him physically.
5. Making it clear to him that he makes me happy (ex. saying "thank you", giving him a big hug, etc.).

If any men are reading this blog, the five little things most women appreciate are listed below.

1. Hold her hand, especially in public.
2. Leave her a message (voice mail, e-mail, or text) saying that you love her.
3. Put your arm around her or lay your hand on her knee when sitting next to each other in public.
4. Sincerely tell her that she is beautiful.
5. Pull yourself out of a funk instead of withdrawing.

Let's not settle for mediocre marriages!