Double Blessing

     Yesterday marked my eldest child's tenth birthday. Double digits. He is a boy that has given me my hardest challenges and greatest moments of joy. The journey to get to where we are has been the most complicated emotional journey of my life. As I look at my son who is finally starting to get it after Years of therapy, consistency, and dogged advocacy, I see me through God's eyes. I have labored with this child to get him to think outside his narrow box of self-centeredness. He now sees others much more clearly. But this work was done as a team and my God revealed to me my heart.
     God is a parent. The Bible tells us He is Father to Jesus and inexplicably to me as well. To all of us really. He has Labored with me to help me see my selfish heart and motivations. Circumstances over the past year in my marriage and in my parenting lead me to just put my survival above everyone else's. I'm the mom right? If I ain't happy...........well you know. I stopped performing well. I started absenting myself in little ways. I looked out for me because it seemed I was the only one who would.
     God is a parent. I have given Him only grief. Any triumph has come because of hard work done by His Spirit and His Son. He never once treated me this way in my struggle and praise Him for it. Humbled again by His love, I vow today to serve Him first, my family second, friends third, and myself dead last. I had to memorize that at age three. It went Jesus, Others, You. Putting our lives and commitments in that order brought JOY. Like all head knowledge from my past, it was useless until my heart understood it. Pray for me on this journey.