Piggy Back.

     I love Nicole's post from last night. Go read it here. I have felt the same way all week long. I am fighting a fight against thoughts, feelings, misunderstandings, and confusion. I feel like my fight is much more Fiona Apple's "Shadow Boxer." The attacks are not coming because of sin issues, although there are always sins in my life that I'm working on and dealing with, but because of blazing success. Theses triumphs come because God reached down and gave me His strength. He turned moments of hateful failure into these moments of success. I need to take a minute to "say" this out loud so that the discouragement does not overwhelm my soul.
    I am having tremendous success in a marriage that was in jeopardy last summer. Now, it all seems like some bad dream that is completely over; swept away by God's grace and healing. With the help of a faithful friend and co-leader, Ann Newell, I have taken 57 special needs moms and united them under the banners of "Read more of the Bible" and "You are not alone. We are all with you in this." ALL of us in those two Bible studies report that special needs parenting is the hardest most isolating thing we have ever done. We are ALL grateful that we found each other in the name of Jesus who brings support. We are taking time to ourselves and for five minutes everyday, giving that time to Jesus. I am personally meeting one of these ladies during my vacation and we both feel like we are meeting family. My parents are going to be moving in soon and that will be a HUGE benefit to both families. In all honesty, my parents, my spouse, and I are all looking forward to this moment. Things are improving in every quarter! I love my church and they have put us on the rolls as members and been very encouraging all the way.
    But now, in this moment, alone at my computer with kids playing upstairs, I feel the questions creeping in. I feel the false accusations and hurtful words in my head. They come because of the many MANY times in my life that I have failed miserably: from the times that I had to crawl back out of captivity. They come because they know where I have been. They would do anything to drag me back.  They sound like this, "Oh yeah? YOU did all that? I don't think so. You are a failure. You are not enough. Sin issues you're DEALING WITH? not at all. You are a wallower. You are a miserable mother. A good mother would have done this blog while her kids are still asleep. Hear them fighting? That is because of you and your utter failure as a mother and person."

STOP.

You are the liar and the father of lies. 

None of that is true.

     But there it is. Real facts twisted around in the most hurtful of ways. Are you having these thoughts today? Are you having victory that the enemy is trying hard to tear away from you? Have you made progress only to have that self same progress thrown in your face? Cry out to Jesus. Put up monuments to the victory that He has given you in His holy name. Stand on His grace and in the Light of the Glorious Love of the Father. With Him on your side, you are NEVER a failure. His MERCY is new EVERY MORNING. It says in that verse, (Lamentations 3:19-24 NKJV) that EVERY MORNING, He keeps us from being consumed by the horrible attack. That is His compassion.
      If you aren't pulling out of captivity, if things are not looking bright and cheerful, please know that you are not alone. God is calling you and in HIS power and on HIS strength, He will personally lift you. Just put an arm up or if that feels too much, cry out to Him. He will hear you and His mercy, NOT his condemnation, but His MERCY is new Every Single Morning and I praise Him for that.