Wait. Wha?

     I'm gregarious. Outspoken. Colorful. Adventerous. (Truly!) Dogmatic. Scatterbrained. Learning disabled. (Thanks for the grace on my grammar issues.) Brilliant. Sinful. Moody.

And I really really really ABSOLUTELY cannot abide

change just for the sake of saying we changed.

      Recently I've had to adjust to a series of small yet routine disturbing changes. None of them were warranted in the least. All of them were just changes made for the sake of making changes. Now, for those of you who follow me and know that I have an autistic child, you are already figuring out where this trainwreck is a rollin'. I cried out PLEASE you do NOT understand. You are making my life miserable all just to say that you can! Please stop this and do not do this. But it didn't matter, the changes were set in stone. Again, I have learned that being accommodating is a luxury that special needs people cannot afford. 

     In any number of these changes occurred in a past incarnation of my non-mom self, I would have rolled with it and embraced it wholeheartedly. But I know now with my child, if I roll with it and move on, he will get ground up in the gears. So I, looked at my situation and said, "Fine. You only get me half the time and Pete half the time. One of us is staying home with the kids because change for change's sake is not enough to have me bring them." The people involved said, "Fine." I pouted. I thought for SURE! that 50% attendance would help those involved see how much this really was a serious issue not just whininess.

     While pouting, my mom said, "You know honey, maybe you just need to take a break from this for half the time. Maybe God isn't just trying to spare your kids, but you too. You do so much and are so willing to help out where needed, why don't you take your night off and rest. That could be God's plan all along."

      Wha? ... oh. right. I'm exhausted ALL OF THE TIME. My kids have needs that have me needing to be brutally consistent. I cannot let up or look away. I have to be on it all of the time and being this hyper alert constantly has worn me completely, all the way down. I was giving up heart. This break that threw me for such a loop, is probably exactly what I needed.