Beauty in His Sight

    As a child I craved attention. As I grew up I learned that being an attractive female gained the attention I craved. So I dressed as provocatively as allowed by my parents, which was not at all really. I was a size 4 at 22 years old and blessed with attractive looks. I was not blessed with confidence though. I thought if men liked me and wanted me, I was worth something.
    Then God changed me and I didn't want that attention. Desiring attention from all men went away and I became disgusted to the point of being ill, when guys would leer at me. I gained weight, I guess subconsciously, to better avoid unwanted attention. Now I'm a size 12, dress very modestly and don't take as much time with my looks. I don't get as much attention. I don't like my size but it's comfortable.
    The other day a young attractive guy winked at me. I was like, What? I said something to my coworker about it. She said, of course he winked at you, your beautiful. I said, I use to be beautiful, but not now. Her mouth opened as she breathed in loud and hard. She said, you ARE beautiful, stop putting yourself down! Later that night I thought about my earlier life and how I had been utterly vain, on many diets, spent thousands of dollars on beauty products and expected every man's attention, then wondered why, if I didn't have it. Was something wrong with me, was my hair not in place, what? Later, I was seriously bothered by getting attention. Could I find a middle ground?
    Then it came to me. I, can look at an attractive guy and say, "Wow, great handy work God, what an artist You are". I can simply appreciate what He has made without desiring. I can't control what others do with their eyes or thoughts. So why try to eliminate, possible problems, with extra weight that could cause me to be unhealthy? God made my body and He doesn't make mistakes. I don't need extra weight to guard against looks from men. I can dress modestly but attractively, and let God deal with others thoughts. Then it really hit me. I better get with that program, cause I just turned 40 and I may not have my looks much longer. So with God's help, I am going to be comfortable in my own skin, and say thank you to God for His handy work in me. When I say I am not beautiful, I insult my maker. I am a princess, so I may as well look like one. May we all see through God's eyes and appreciate His handy work, we are beautiful in His sight.