Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say
But I don't know where to start
To try to tell my story
Would surely expose my heart
The heart can be so fragile
And words can seem so small
But I know that I still speak volumes
Even if I use no words at all
So I pray that what I speak
In deed or spoken word
Reflects the One who lives in me
May His heart, through my heart be heard
I am sitting at the kitchen table waiting for my husband to come home. I miss him, even though he has only been in Cumberland for the day. (Don't laugh, Jeanne! I really do miss him!) As strange as it sounds, it seems as though I can literally feel the physical distance between us when he is away, even for the day. I can't help it; I'm in love with my husband.
Last week was the first time since we married that we had to be apart overnight, and I began to truly understand the heart of my Mother, who sighs and says, "I miss your Father!" any time that she is away from him for any length of time. Although he doesn't verbalize it the same way my Mother does, I have also witnessed my Father expressing the same sentiment. My parents have been married for almost 48 years, and they still long for one another when they are apart. I am so blessed to have such a godly example of marital love! It is my aspiration to follow their example, and inspire others as well.
She
asked, “What is your passion?”
Turning
focus.
Twisting
edges.
Lazy
spots.
Obsessions.
Passion:
(2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason
b : intense, driving, or
overmastering feeling or conviction
b : a strong liking or
desire for or devotion
to some activity, object, or concept
c : an object of desire or
deep interest
To
pray more.
To pray for others.
Read
the Bible.
Tell it to others.
Hear
from God.
Do what it is that He says.
He
told me to help she who had asked. He
told me to be involved. He told me to
step away from hiding. He told me I was
an unused resource. He said I could do
much much much more.
I
want to run away. I like my me
time. I like …… the contradiction of
wanting to be useful, but not wanting to work hard. I like to not be hurt from exposing my soul. I like the padding that had come from the
predictable. I like not making mistakes
anymore by not trying.
Fix
me God.
Fix
my passion.
Open
my heart to service.
Open
my heart to your flock.
A question will enter our minds multiple times each day.
Why did I forget my purse at home? Furthermore, how could that even happen?
Is my child, EVER, simply going to do what I ask of them?
What is this person's name, in front of me, to whom I am speaking?
Why were those innocent children shot, in school?
Why can't I go to sleep?
Can I go around, this person driving in front of me, they are going 10 miles below the speed limit.
What is the meaning of life?
How are we going to pay for this?
Do angels have the sense of smell? If so, when we let a stinker fly, do they hold their noses?
What color paint will look best in this room?
Why does God love me? I wouldn't right now. How can He still love me?
Who is calling now?
If Satan ever said he was sorry, & meant it, would God forgive him?
Does this make my butt look big?
Not all questions are life changing. Some are really not all that important. They may feel like they are paramount now, but years later, we realize they really didn't matter.
For the questions in life, that make a real difference, it's a comfort to know these promises from the bible; if you seek, you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you, ask and it will be given to you. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purposes. I'm so glad I am one of those who have been called, are you? Not sure, ask.
Yesterday I made a blanket for my sweet little girl. I am not a great seamstress and I do not follow directions well. I did however have an end goal in mind. A lovely ruffle, soft yellow minky on one side and a beautiful floral on the other. I pulled and pinned. Nipped and tucked.
And then, as I began the long process of sewing it all together...I lost sight of the end result
I forgot how some of the little details would turn out in the larger end project.
I do this often
I may have an end goal in mind, a purpose.Yet, after a lot of pulling and tucking I somehow lose sight of the big picture. I forget how the small details of daily life will play a huge role in bringing glory and honor to God.
The big picture
I am thankful he never loses sight, even in the small details
A common movie device fast forwards through a timeline of the protagonist's trials, disasters, and failures. It doesn't slow down until the current moment. Our hero or heroine has just enough strength left to brew a pot of coffee. They pour themselves a cup full of the promise of fresh energy and innocent addiction. They are ready to set aside the past and to take up a new future.
That's me at the moment, though I'll never understand coffee drinking. Imagine a teacup in my hand as I realize some messes can't be fixed, that all I can do is go on, and that to go on is a victory in itself. It's my broken parts that are the most compassionate, the most patient and the most kind. What I really need is more broken bits not less. That is a hard thing to accept, let alone desire, but here I sit, teacup in hand.
Be kind to yourself in the Stillness
When the starlight finds your face
Remember the Good in the quiet
And treat yourself with Grace
Would you draw aside your loved ones
Just to tear them down inside?
That voice mocking,
“You’re not good enough!”
Is it also born of Pride?
Since our own Creator loves us
And would fill our hearts with joys,
Be kind to yourself in the Stillness,
As to others in the Noise
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