Stairway to God

When I was young I had a list of names for my kids and big plans for how I'd raise them.  All the media I'd been exposed to in my TV free life painted a powerful picture of how the family of faith would relate to God and to each other.  Kurt and I would share Jesus all day long in every way possible.  The kids would learn instant, unquestioning obedience.  The whole world would be amazed at our little ducklings devotedly following us around in their matching outfits I had sewn myself.  There is one electron microscopically small problem.  No one in our family had follower DNA--not me, not Kurt, not one of my kids.  Even the one girl who will do what's she's told has her, let's call them "spunky" moments, that's how we know she's ours.

I've felt like a failure since I pulled Mea out of her infant tub and she pulled a fit I was powerless to still.  My kids aren't bad kids.  They are very good kids, but they think for themselves.  As embarrassing as it is some days, I wouldn't have it any other way.  How are they supposed to find God if they are continually satisfied with me?

Treasures among the Rubble

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When a mountain in your life comes crashing down

And once the dust settles, you open your eyes,

Still there, still Standing,

Amazed at the Catastrophe,

At the invisible wall between you and Disaster Inside

Look around!  Rubble is more than it seems

It can contain Hope, Relief, and over in that crumbled mess,

A clear glint of Clarity sparkles among the waste

Truth is not stripped away,

Love says, “It’s going to be ok.”

Joy comes back, regardless of life’s falling stones as it flies

It may look as if your world is ruined

But if your life is built on the Rock,

He will not be moved

And takes the fragile pieces of our shattered lives from the wasteland

To make something New, something Better

For He is the Expert Craftsman,

Turning broken dreams into a Priceless New Future

To Him, we are Treasures among the Rubble

Better way.

     I bought a rug today at a hardware store that I was unaware sold really nice rugs.  The gentleman in the front pointed me the way with a, "Can't miss em."  So, off I went with my screaming toddler looking for a rug rack.  What I found was a pile of indecorously stacked rugs that were impossible to see because they were all stacked on top of one another.

     After I laboriously tugged at the unwieldy rugs to get to one I thought I liked, I went through the laboriously difficult task of finding a clerk to help me with the tangled mass of fiber I wanted to buy.  When I tracked carpet/rug guy down, he went through a tediously laborious process by which the carpet in question was massaged up to the top of the heap and laid out.  With a crazed and slightly twitchy look, he asked, "Do you still like and want this rug?"  He quoted the price with fear in his voice.

     The immature side of me wanted to say, "Nah, just lookin."  BUT, I really did want to buy the rug in question.  With relief he rolled up my new acquisition and made me wait as he massaged the pile back into order.  The whole process was really really really awkward and difficult.  The reward, the purchase, hardly seemed worth the effort the clerk went through and the pay he earned manipulating eight foot by ten foot rugs.  I asked why on earth they did not have a rack and why did they keep doing it that way.  He responded with something that had me groaning, "Well, we just always do it like that."

     How many times do I have to stop myself from doing things the hard and laborious way when there is a simpler solution?  And how many times do I keep up my broken tradition just because, "We've always done it that way?"  I cry out to the Father to show me how my eyes can be opened to the difficult and broken patterns of my life and have Him show me the better way.

His grace is enough

I read those articles all the time.  I love the inspiration they give.  Welling up inside of me is the free-spirited, "I don't care what others think, let's make paper mâché llamas and paint them bright blue.  The house work will never be done, so why try to get ahead of it all."
I read those articles that try to empower mamas like me.  They try to remove some of our guilt that we heap onto ourselves because our home is not catalog worthy.  And for a while I do feel empowered.  I am able to focus on these little gifts that God has entrusted me with.  To savor the  joy of the day with them and teach them about His grace.  But then....I remember.  I remember those comments.  I remember what  that lady says about her daughter not sweeping the floors enough.  I remember the woman who is so critical of her neighbor and how her windows are never clean, ever.  And, of course I remember the dear friend whom I visit, she greats me with a smile and an apology.  Sorry for how much of a hot mess her home is while I am stopping by.  At a glance her home is a hundred times cleaner than mine.  Oh, the things she must think when she comes to my home.  I should probably start apologizing from now on too....after all with eight kiddos, there is bound to be some sort of disaster around every corner.
Then I remember the legacy I want to leave.  The legacy of a heart and home open, not to be taken advantage of, but to be used of The Lord to bless others.  To bless my children with the ability to keep a home tidy, but not be enslaved.  So, I asked a dear friend to keep me accountable.  I invited her to stop by our home any time of the day, even 30 minutes before our upcoming 1st birthday party celebration!  Stop by and see if my home is perfectly kept, and catalog worthy.  If it is....my heart has not been right.  I have   been focused on the wrong things, and sacrificed precious time with loved ones for the benefit of  selfish motives.  So, to you my dear friend, come and stop by.  I am in need of a bit of accountability on this one!
Lord, help me to recognize that Your grace is enough for me, my family and our home.  Help me to live as though I believe this truth, so that my children can see that grace in their lives.

Submission

The word "submit" has a negative connotation for many people, but this is the word used in Ephesians 5:22-33. "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." When someone objects to that verse, I remind them that three verses later it says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." If someone is showing you sacrificial love like Christ showed us on the cross, it should be easier to submit to that person. My husband has a very laid back personality. Although he has very strong opinions when it comes to topics such as politics, he rarely is assertive in our every day lives. One thing he felt very strongly about was that we should homeschool our children. I am ever so grateful that he asked me to do this with our children.

Nine years ago my husband wanted us to pursue ivf. I am a very conservative person when it comes to money, and I viewed ivf as a several thousand dollar lottery ticket. I kept pushing for adoption. I knew adoption was also not cheap, but I didn't view it as a financial gamble. After losing many thousands of dollars pursuing domestic and then international adoption for 2.5 years, I finally agreed to pursue ivf. Our three rounds of ivf resulted in three children. I had a friend whose experience was exactly the opposite of mine. Her husband wanted to pursue adoption, but she wanted to pursue fertility treatments. After they spent tens of thousands of dollars on various medical procedures, they pursued adoption and within weeks of starting their home study a newborn baby was placed in their arms. As I hold my children in my arms, I am ever so grateful I followed my husband's direction and pursued ivf, and my friend is the mother of two precious boys as a result of newborn adoption.

Good News

   Last Sunday the pastor of a local church we were visiting gave the congregation an opportunity to share how God has blessed them through another person. A lady stood up and exposed her life. She had grown up in a home where she was abused, and as an adult is still struggling with a drug addiction. She thanked another lady in the congregation for pursuing her. This other lady had been calling her, visiting her, encouraging her, leaving notes on her front door, and bringing her food.

   I could barely hold back the tears as she stated "You see, I never thought that I could be around 'good' people. I didn't think I was good enough to come to church".  She felt as though she didn't dress right, look right, or act right, and therefore would never be accepted. I felt sad as I wondered at what point in time did the Gospel become so misinterpreted.

   I had always heard that the Gospel of Jesus is the "Good News" that the Bible encourages believers to share with others. The first four books of the New Testament are by definition the "proof of" the "actual events" that brought about our salvation. They tell the story of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus whose purpose was (and still is) to restore the relationship between God and mankind. The church should be the first place that people run to when life gets hard, but instead they run from it. Afraid that they are too messed up. Afraid that they will be rejected...... judged......sentenced.

   Throughout her life, this lady had never heard that God loved her in spite of what her life looked like. She learned at an early age at the hands of her abusers that she was worthless, hopeless, and unlovable. She bought the lies and tried to soothe her soul with drugs and alcohol. She even made attempts to end her life....   BUT someone took the time and energy to befriend her, to value her, to walk beside her, and to show her the truth of the Good News. And guess what?

 Now she wants to pass it on.

Adventure Awaits!

In this grand adventure called Life, are you a travel agent or a tour guide?  When you contact a travel agent, he will plan out your trip, and may make recommendations for special excursions and fun things to do, but has he ever been there?  Does he know the best routes, the best places to eat or shop based on what he's been told or from his own experience?  What if something unexpected happens?  What will he do for you then?  A tour guide, on the other hand, says, "Let me show you the way!  This is where you find the best ___!  I will take you there and we will have a great time!"  Your tour guide knows exactly where to find the adventure that you are looking for and will get you there and back safely.

As ambassadors for Christ, we are authorized for adventure! Instead of merely pointing the way, let's put our arm around our fellow travelers and show them the way.  Walk with them.  Pray for them, with them.  Show them the unrelenting love that God has for them and the great adventure that He has planned for them!

Taking The Best Care of Childern

Since school is starting when it's still summer & we just bought Sarah a summer wardrobe for our trip to Disney, she really didn't need clothes or shoes. I spoke to other parents who aren't buying much, if anything, either for school clothes. Sarah hates to shop for clothes & shoes any way. I have to make her go into a dressing room to try anything on. Of course, getting locked in a dressing room a while back, didn't help this mindset, in any way. I literally had to tell them, just give me a screwdriver and I'll take the door handle off from this side, O.K.? I'm the, go into the department store, grab a cart, go through every aisle, put anything that is a possibility into said cart, then go try everything on & choose from their, type. She is her daddy's daughter. It's easier to buy her something, then take it back if necessary.

     Since she is going to middle school and the middle school is in the same building as the high school, it's a big change. I have to trust God to take care of her. Well really, when don't I have to trust God to take care of her? Like I could do a better job of keeping her safe then He can? Hello Sonya, this is God almighty, creator of all that exists, ever! If He can't take care of His own creation, we're all in trouble. I'm very thankful that God understands, even though this I know in my brain that He will keep Sarah safe, my heart has some work to do in this area.

     God has blessed Sarah with a homeroom teacher from our sister church that also has a daughter with autism issues. Another teacher who's dad lives in front of us and a principal whom we use to attend the same church with. He has given her a locker on the end, so that it's easier to get to it. 

     We saw her homeroom teacher at a church event who gave us peace, that we got the correct school supplies for exactly what she needs. We have many things to be thankful for as Sarah embarks on this next chapter of her life. Thank you God for the blessings you give your children and the peace you give to mom's who love their children and want the best for them. I'm so glad Sarah has two daddy's. Together, they take the best care of their daughter.

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