God Gave Us What We Needed

When we lived in FL our daughter begged & pleaded for a dog. She wasn't raised with her half brother or much older steps sisters. She had neurological problems which were getting better at the time. We started looking for a dog, but were having trouble finding one.

I came home from work one day, to find my husband & daughter with two unknown people in my home. There was a little ball of fur at their feet. Sarah saw me & said, look at our new puppy mommy! Paul corrected her, That's up to your mom Sarah. I took one look at this little Chihuahua/Shih Tzu, tan & white puppy, so small, with his pleading beautiful big brown loving eyes, then said, how could I say no, to that? I then found out, that he came with everything he needed, at no charge. Since our finances were very tight at the time, this could not have worked out any better. Wow, a total God thing. Sarah named him Scooby-Doo. He looked more like Scrappy-Doo but that was Sarah's favorite show then, so it stuck.

Scooby -Doo has had his naughty moments, as all puppy dogs do, but he was too cute to remain mad at for long. God simply gave us a big gift in a small package. We couldn't find what we wanted, instead, God gave us what we needed.

Out of the Blue

  

In March of 2004 I was out shopping with my mom. My cell phone rang and the next thing I knew, I was rounding up baby bottles, a pack n play, diapers, toys, car seats, and whatever else I could think of that I needed for the onslaught of what was coming to my house..... 3 little girls ages 4, 2, and 6 weeks. Such is the life of a foster parent, where the census can change daily and you need to keep your furniture on wheels. Most people have 9 months to prepare for a baby. I had less than 24 hours......
   I fostered and loved on these little girls for nearly 9 months until the dreaded day came when they were to move to another state to be placed with relatives. I was heartbroken. They were my girls. She was my baby. I remember watching the red van pull out as they left and straining to see the last glimpses of the tops of their sweet little heads. Then I sobbed for days.
   As years passed by, I often wondered where they were and how they were doing. Then in February of 2009 during a conversation with a foster care case worker who had not been with the department very long, my story tumbled out about these girls and how they broke my heart. The worker was quiet for a moment and then said, "You are not going to believe this, but......" She proceeded to tell me that the placement had fallen through with the girls' family and that the older 2 had been in foster care in New Jersey for some time. BUT the baby (now 5 years old) was coming back to Maryland! She just happened to be the case worker assigned to the case and asked if I would I like to have her placed with us. I broke down and cried. Then I called my mom and we cried together. Three days later I made the trip to New York with the foster care workers to pick her up.
   Today, May 10, 2013 is the 3 year anniversary of Emily's adoption. She is now a beautiful, ambitious, spunky 9 year old who brings so much adventure to our lives! I thought I had lost her forever, but God had a different plan in mind.

Insecurity.

     I have seen, and quite frankly participated, in exposing comments made by the CEO of a famous clothing chain store in the mall.  I found his comments shocking, appalling, and maddening.  The store already offends me by the way they present minors in sexual situations. His comments about the appearance of his customers was further reason not to ever set foot in the store.  THEN something odd and kind of funny happened.  

Everyone started noticing that this man has had so much

Plastic Surgery

He looks like a plastic, waxen mask.

     What had gone unnoticed for years, this man has really done serious bodily harm to himself, is now front and center stage.  He is obviously extremely self-conscious about the area where he is the most critical.  Appearance.  What he does not like about himself, he does not like in other people.  This got me looking at my life and attitudes towards the people around me.

Where is my weakness?

It is where I criticize others the most.

    This was a shocking revelation to me and it was so very very true.  A friend made a generic comment about parents in the grocery and I snapped.  It was where I felt weakest.  It was the hardest place I hit myself.  I post funny little memes about fatal flaws there are my biggest weaknesses.  I am going to start taking a hard look at the areas where I am criticizing others.  I think I might be trying to dig a splinter out of their eye when I happen to have a tree in mine.  

   

Over a decade ago I began a journey.  A journey of sleepless nights and sticky kisses.  No one told me it would be easy, no one said it would be this hard....yet many said it was not worth it.  Alas, this journey has brought me to the place of celebration this very week.  For I am the momma who is celebrated around the table.  With a fine linen cover, china dishes presenting their best, and a lovely dessert to end our feast.  It is Christ in me! A sacrifice.  Gone are the days of sleeping in, welcomed by mornings of puckered faces with toast and jam.  Laundry, dishes, band aids, bunk beds, and questions from short ones I never thought I would be asked.  A calling to do life with the least of these, and make disciples.  A call to love The Lord our God with all my heart, with all my mind and all my strength.   This love will pour out and make an impression on my sweet little children.  And so we celebrate...the ones who call me mom.

Everything is Up In The Air

           

           

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   Up In The Air

  I am a helpless kite,

A wayward balloon
Floating to the unknown future
My feet feel not the solid earth
          There are no guarantees,
No planning that cannot change
With one breath, I move...where?
The heart is grounded in the Word

But not the world
Where there is no security
Your Gravity pulls me elsewhere
Home is where the heart is
With You, with family, friends
Everything else is unattainable
 But Love
The Important Difference
One day Your children will
Meet You in the air...
After all, we're already there

Wishes

     

     I love dandelions.  I love them flat out.  I know what you are thinking.  "Great.  Someone else making excuses to not do lawn work."  Well, no.  I mow and from time to time poison, but when I do, I think of the thousand wishes made in childhood.  I think of how I'd lie in the yard with my sister and fill up the sky with dreams.  Now as a grown up with many happily ever afters to be truly grateful for, I find myself drawn to the dandelion clock as a happy place.

     When spring brings them stretching back to life, I rejoice.  I instantly feel fresh West Virginia breezes and see my seven year old self running through fields of flowers.  As an adult, I patiently sit through Home owner association meetings that ramble on about the benefits of Scotts Turf Pro, but I put my fingers in my ears and hum.  God made them bright, cheerful, interactive, and doggedly persistent.  I can't help but think that there is a message there for me from Him.

For Whom

When I'm out and about with my three little ones who range in age from eight months to four-years-old, the most frequent comment I get from strangers is "you've got your hands full."  At the age of 35, I was at a very low point because my arms were empty despite the years and thousands of dollars we had spent trying to conceive and trying to adopt both within the United States and Ukraine. Now at the age of 41, my arms are full and my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for these three long awaited blessings from the Lord. In 2005 when I was grieving the loss of an ectopic pregnancy, my sister wrote this poem for me. I share it today in case it might encourage another woman dealing with infertility, a painful struggle that is intensified around Mother's Day each year.

“For Whom” by Wendy Benner

For whom do these arms of mine ache?
For whom does this heart of mine long?
As yet unnamed, as yet unborn, you are the child to whom I cling—
The child of my hopes,
The child of my dreams.

Though there be no offspring in my womb,
Yet I carry you,
I carry you with me wherever I go.

Though there be no baby sleeping under my roof,
Yet I cradle you;
I can almost feel your tender cheek resting sweetly on my shoulder.

Where are you, Child?
I have been waiting for so long.
All of my tears have not brought you here.
All of my treatments have not brought you.
All of my trying,
All of my praying,
All of my planning and striving and enduring,
None of these have led me to you,
The child of my hopes,
The child of my dreams.

You are the one who will fill these arms of mine with warmth,
These eyes of mine with wonder,
This heart of mine with joy when I hear you utter at last
That one simple word,
“Mommy.”

Am I selfish?  I only want to give of myself, showering love on you.
Am I impatient?  My only desire is to spend these hours, these days of mine, spend them all on nurturing you.
Am I discontent?  I only know that these desires to mother you, these yearnings to nurture and care for you, these longings come from Above.

And so I turn my eyes once more
To the Giver of Life,
The Giver of dreams,
The Giver of all good gifts,
Asking, pleading once more
That in His grace,
He will soon be
The giver of the child of my hopes and dreams—
The giver of you.

Dreams Really Do Come True

My husband Philip has been best friends with my sister and her husband practically forever.  Years ago, they led worship together at the church they attended, along with another young couple.  Circumstances separated them all for many years, until just recently.  Another friend who had also been one of the worship leaders at that church was inspired to organize a large public worship event in our hometown, and invited all of the old group to participate.  Philip enjoyed it so much that he approached the two couples about getting together to play again, and Out Of The Ashes was born.  They have played together for several years, and have added a few extra vocalists, and the Lord has been growing and stretching them all, both spiritually and creatively.  The Lord has placed them in relationship with the most amazing band manager, who mentors them, encourages them, prays for them, and pushes them to be the best they can be.

This weekend Out Of The Ashes will be going into the studio to record their first EP which will include original songs written by my husband and my sister.  This is a long-awaited dream come true for my husband.  I am so excited to see (and hear!) what God is doing with this wonderful group of people, and where this path will lead them!